


Capacity

by lokis_misunderstood_tears



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Chubby bucky barnes, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Oral Sex, Past Tony Stark/Steve Rogers - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, bucky has both arms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-05-20 18:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14899793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokis_misunderstood_tears/pseuds/lokis_misunderstood_tears
Summary: Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanov own a semi Communist bakery and coffee shop in Brooklyn after Bucky leaves the Army. Bucky reunites with his childhood friend and fellow solider Steve Rogers who he had lost contact with since he left military life behind. Bucky's routine of life is challenged by the romance that starts with Steve as they both navigate PTSD, careers, and the capacity of love for each other.





	1. Separated From the Chaos

   Bucky wakes up in a cold sweat as he usually did every morning just before his alarm, his heart racing. Luckily today he did not remember what made his heart race and thought it just might be a good day after all with no nightmares and no screams following him into the day. His cat, Winter, stays asleep at the foot of his bed. He gets out of bed and into the shower, washing the sweat from his skin. He puts food in his cat’s dish as Winter curls around his legs purring. He dresses in his usual clothes, performs his simple routines of skin care and hair care and gets his keys and walks outside.

  
   He doesn’t live far away from the bakery he co-owns with his business partner and best friend He was the first one there as he usually was turning on the lights getting ready for the day. He heads straight to the bakery in the back where he spent most of his days and time. He turns on the machines to get them warmed up and ready. He takes out a risen dough from under its cloth and started kneading it. He looks outside the small window to his right where he can see a fraction of the sky. The sun has started to become a sliver in the sky but only just, since it was barely dawn. Still hours to go before the majority of people in the city would wake up, hours before they would open, hours before people would be flooding in their business with hopes of coffee and a treat before work. Hours more before people came in on dates or on solo adventures, trying to find jobs, trying to find a new meaning for their work. He was happy to give this to so many people this little piece of taste and wonder that everyone sought.

  
   He returns his mind to the dough going back to the routine that he had grown to know. He knows everything by heart by now without any need of recipe or instruction. And thus he loses himself in the routine: the creation and experimentation. After about a half hour the door opens and his co-owner walks in exchanging smiles. And Natasha and Bucky share the workspace with familiar ease. Natasha focuses on the breads while Bucky focuses on everything else baked goods wise. Their opening shift employees come in to set up the shop and prepare for their new business day.

  
   30 minutes before the shop opens the opening shift workers and Nat and Bucky sit down at the table in the kitchen and share breakfast and coffee and conversation as they always do in the early morning. Their employees are young either in college or just out of college or choosing not to be in college but around that age. They are lively and unique and full of compassion and drive because they saw the same in how Bucky and Natasha run their business. Wanda who came in her freshman year of college as an international student started working early on in the bakery and coffee shop juggling school as well as a job to make sure she has the money that she needs outside of her scholarships. She became the head barista early on brushing off her practiced skills with humility and became a pioneering spirit in work ethic that Bucky and Nat wanted from each of their workers. They wanted their workers to want to work here. This came with the addition of free food and higher wages, Bucky and Natasha never following the path of greed, they didn’t need to afford nice apartments when their home was the bakery and they would rather focus the money they earned on maintaining the shop and bettering their workers’ lives.

  
   They finish their breakfast and Natasha opens the door to the shop, letting the fresh spring air come through. The first person to come in as usual was Bruce Banner, a teacher from a university just a few blocks away who came in every morning to order a chai latte and whatever pastry Bucky has a special that day. Bruce sits in the back corner of the shop working on something no one was really able to comprehend. And that started the flow of people on their morning commute coming in for a quick bite or a quick cup of coffee or a specialty drink. Bucky stayed the backroom during the rush. He loves working with people and he loved creating things for people but the chaos and the quickness of a popular bakery and coffee shop as everyone went to work was overwhelming. And so he stays back ready to get people what they needed if anything ran out.

  
   This was also the time for his experimentation. Bucky would stay back and think of ways to amp up the recipes that they were modestly well known for into something that was exciting and new and challenges what your mouth could feel from something you were familiar with. He started this when he decided to add lavender to cinnamon rolls and created this weird mushing of soothing and indulgence that people loved and still stood as one of their most popular items.

  
   Today he was thinking about trying to nail the perfect sweet and savory without just going to the classic maple and bacon. He had been thinking about cheesecakes for a very long time now, probably longer than a single man in his 30s should be spending time thinking about cheesecakes. Cheesecakes were already this savory sweet dish that had no real reason to be as popular as it is. He wondered if he could heighten the savory while keeping that balance of sweet. He had been trying to create an Earl Grey cheesecake and he wondered if he could add prosciutto to it which sounded out of the realm of what people would want but he was convinced that it could be something good.

  
   He got out all of his experimentation essentials flavors that he had compiled and kept together in a huge box and took out the Earl Grey tea and started steeping it. He gets out the ingredients for the cheesecake making sure the tea didn’t steep too long. He beats together the cream cheese and the eggs and all the ingredients he uses for his classic cheesecake. Once it’s ready for the earl grey mixture and it had cooled properly he adds it in to the amount that he had marked as the perfect ratio. This had been something he had been trying for quite a while all of this field experiments that weren’t exactly perfect but still good would go to either the workers at the shop or he or Natasha would take it to an underprivileged Community Center so they could have something decadent for the day and he would always bring their leftover breads as well.

  
   As the cheesecake bakes he decides to venture out into the main shop area. Natasha was there cutting and putting baked goods on plates and in bags and boxes for customers while Wanda worked the espresso machine and drinks and Peter stood smiling at the register. The shop had settled down from chaos into a smooth flow and Bucky went around cleaning up the tables and making sure everything was in order beyond the counter. He stops at Bruce’s table as he usually does.

  
   “Hey Bruce, would you like anything else?” Bucky asked the regular.

  
   Bruce looked up after a moment, finishing a sentence on his laptop. “Oh, no I’m okay. I feel like I should stop having pastries every morning.”

  
   “If you did we’d lose a lot of business.” Bucky joked and took his empty plate. Bruce chuckled and resumed his consumption into his work.

  
   Once all the empty tables were cleaned and cleared and he said hello to the regulars and the new people who caught his eye he ventures back into his Bakery. the cheesecake was almost done and he took out the prosciutto from the fridge wondering how he could make it pleasantly presentable. He slices them thinly and rolls them up into fake roses and repeats until there were over two dozen roses on the countertop. The timer goes off for the cheesecake and takes it out deciding to put the prosciutto roses on top of the hot cheesecake to let the savoriness spread out into setting cheesecake. He puts it in the fridge and put a timer for 3 hours to check on it again. Natasha comes back to join him in the bakery as he is cleaning up and preparing the lunch rolls for baking.

  
   “Crowd’s lessened to our slump hours, Billy said he would be about an hour late to his shift because of a research thing but Wanda can stay on until he gets here.” Natasha reports. “But more importantly, I smelled something wonderful.”

  
   Bucky gives her a teasing grin. “Guess what I made and you’ll get to try the first bite.”

  
   “I always get to try the first bite.” Natasha counters rolling her eyes but still plays the game, “Hm, it had to be baking for good amount of time because the oven is still hot, it smells like meat but floral. I can see the remains of tea bags on the counter.”

  
   “Any guesses?” Bucky prodes.

  
   “Earl grey and sausage biscuits?” Natasha answers hesitantly.

  
   Bucky shakes his head stifling a laugh. “Earl grey is right but everything else is wrong, someone got sausage on her mind?”

  
   Natasha rolls her eyes and lightly punches his arm, “Shut up and tell your business partner what you’re up to.”

  
    Bucky motions for her to come to the large fridge and says, “It’s only been in there for an hour so it’s not ready to taste yet.” He takes out the pan and shows it to Nat. “It’s my earl grey cheesecake with what I think is the proper tea infused ratio, I added a little purple food gel so it looks more pleasing and added prosciutto on top.”

  
    Natasha shakes her head, “I hate how much I want a slice. Who the fuck would think those don’t look and smell gross together. The way you did the meat into roses are a nice touch. When can I try it?”

  
   “In three or more hours.”

  
   “Damn.”

  
   Natasha checks her watch as Bucky puts the cheesecake back in the fridge.

  
   “Do you want some lunch? I was thinking of grabbing something from the deli before our next rush.” Natasha asks.

  
    “If you could grab me my usual, I’ll take over out front for a little.”

  
    “Got it..” Natasha grabs her jacket and heads out the side bakery door.

  
    Bucky goes out front and puts on new gloves and chats with the cashier while waiting for the next customer, Wanda makes his a shot of espresso which he graciously accepts. And he sips on it while informing them of his new experimentation. As they taunt him about going to school just to learn how to make meat look pretty a customer walks in.

  
   Bucky turns to see and his breath catches.

  
   “Steve?” He asks, mainly to himself, but the man who just walks in hears it and looks down from the menu into Bucky’s eyes and his jaw drops.

  
   “Bucky-” Steve goes towards him, the glass case of baked goods in between them. “What are you-what-um.”

  
   “I was gonna say the same thing.” Bucky jokes, stunned. He takes off his gloves and comes out from behind the counter and pulls Steve into a bear hug. His employees look on in shock, seeing this rare exhibition of affection from Bucky. Steve holds on just as tight as they reunite soundlessly for a minute. They finally pull away and Bucky asks, “Are you busy, do you wanna catch up?”

  
   “I have nowhere to be but here.” Steve replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yeah, the more I think about it Earl Grey cheesecake with prosciutto doesn't sound Amazing but it sounded good when I first wrote this.
> 
> Also the title comes from the album named Capacity by Big Thief


	2. Accidental Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve reunite after years of communication lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Brief mention of familial death; cancer

Bucky and Steve sit down outside, Steve with a black coffee and a slice of challah bread and Bucky with his espresso and a cinnamon ginger cookie. They just stare at each other for awhile smiling occasionally and shaking their heads trying to make sense of seeing each other after so many years.

Finally Steve sighs in disbelief and asks, “How the hell have you been, pal?”

Bucky looks down and takes a breath, “Better. After my injury I left everything military involved behind besides my paychecks. Got a job waiting tables, went to culinary school and worked in kitchens and meet Natasha. She had the idea to open our own place after I brought my baking for my coworkers at this posh restaurant we both worked at. She figured out everything financially, I guess a wealthy relative had left her with enough to get a place and start up or something, she’s gets pretty secretive. And I made the menu and became the baker. And people liked what we offered, enough so this is our fourth year open.”

Steve has a big smile on his face and it shoots electricity throughout Bucky’s body when he looks up. “I’m so proud of you.”

Bucky feels warm all over and hides his blush by ducking down to take a bite of his cookie.

“Did you make the bread?” Steve asks.

“No, that’s Natasha’s wheelhouse. She’s the main bread person and helps out in the shop more, I do the rest. I made this cookie.” Bucky breaks off a piece and hands it to Steve who takes a bite and almost moans, closing his eyes.

“It tastes like your ma’s cookies, but...better.” Steve comments still giving that big smile.

“Thank you.” Bucky says humbly but he can’t help but smile.

“How is your ma?” Steve asks.

Bucky’s face contorts far away from a smile. “She...she battled with breast cancer and...didn’t make it. My dad hasn’t really been too keen about me since I left the Army and he’s been even more reclusive since ma passed. I see my siblings sometimes but they’ve all moved away from home, y’know. Sometimes, uh, I feel like ma was the glue that made sure we were family or something.” Bucky brushes away tears that start to gather in his eyes. 

“Bucky, I’m so sorry.” Steve consoles genuinely and puts his hand over Bucky’s. They sit in knowing silence as Bucky returns to his neutral outward expression.

“Hey, fellas.” Natasha calls out as she walks up towards them with a bag of their sandwiches. She turns to Bucky and then to Steve and then to their hands and back to Bucky. “Buck, I don’t think I’ve met your friend before.”

“I’m Steve Rogers, ma’am.” Steve extends his other hand, keeping the other one on Bucky. “Bucky and I were in the Army together.”

Natasha shakes it, scanning his face. “I’m Natasha or Nat, I own the place with Bucky. Also made that bread you’re not eating.”

Steve smiles and replies, “I’m sure it’s amazing.”

Natasha and Bucky exchange looks, speaking silently to each other.

“Well, I’ll be inside. I’ll let you know if there’s a baking emergency, Buck. Nice meeting you, Rogers” Natasha heads inside giving Bucky one last understanding look.

It’s then that Steve seems to realize he has Bucky’s hand under his this whole time and let it go to break off a piece of bread and dunks it into his coffee before eating it. Nodding in appreciation. 

Bucky starts up again, “How have you been? Are you, are you still serving?” 

Steve furrows his brow, “Kinda, I was overseas for a few more years then decided not to take on another tour. I’m still working for the Army though, but I’m at a desk now most of the time as well as helping with training over at Fort Hamilton. I was in DC for awhile but asked to transfer back home. They finally let me, took them a year-y’know how it it with them. I’ve actually only been back in Brooklyn for about a month. Trying to adjust to how much it’s changed.”

“Yeah we were able to get this place before the property prices went up too high. Do you live around here?”

“About six or so blocks away, I’ve been trying new places on my days off. Today I just passed by this place and felt like I had to go in.” Steve looks Bucky straight in the eyes. “I’m so glad I did.”

“Me too.” Bucky says quietly. 

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Billy rush over towards the shop, “Hey, boss, sorry I’m late.” 

“You’re fine, Wanda’s inside.” The afternoon cashier must have already come and he wonders just how long they’ve been outside talking, Bucky doesn’t care for once but knows he should get back.

Steve laughs a little and Bucky turns to him, “What’re you laughing at, punk?”

“It’s just so weird seeing you as the boss. I don’t know. It’s nice, it’s good.” Steve admits.

“Yeah, well, Natasha’s the real boss, I’m just the the other boss on paper. I have to go get the shop ready for the rest of the day though, perform my fake boss duties.”

Steve nods and as Bucky stands the blonde man says boldy, “Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?” He explains, “I miss cooking for someone other myself and I feel like we have more catching up to do.”

Bucky’s cheeks go red again, something that hasn’t happened this often in years. “I would really like that. Um, do you want to text me your address?”

“Yeah! Does 7pm work?” Steve asks brightly, pulling out his phone.

“It does.” Bucky gives Steve his phone number and makes sure he gets his text before saying goodbye with a shorter hug than they previously had and heading back to the shop which is filled with people on their lunch hour. Most of them have their actual lunch along with a pastry and drink from Natasha and Bucky’s place. Needing caffeine and a place outside their office to eat it.

Natasha smirks at Bucky as he heads to the back, hiding his blush. 

He’s bakes some baguettes they make freshly for the late afternoon and dinner and thaws the late night favorites that people love. It’s almost 2pm when Natasha comes back to the bakery, Bucky is working on the menu for next week in advance and what supplies they need to buy.

“If I let you have a slice of the cheesecake will you not berate me with questions?” Bucky says without looking up.

“Deal.” Nat agrees. 

She takes out the cheesecake and takes away the sides of the pan, slicing a small slice. “I do have one question not related to the hunk you were talking to.”

“Hunk? Really, Nat?” Bucky rolls his eyes and finishes writing.

“I tell the truth.” Nat says before taking a bite with some of the prosciutto on it. She contemplates, savouring the bite fully. Acting as if the cake is a fine wine. “You nailed this, James. I don’t know why it works but it does.” She pushes it to Bucky who also takes a bite and beams with success. 

“We might want to have one with and without because the earl grey alone is perfect and the prosciutto definitely amplifies it but we should switch it out for the chocolate cake in the evenings for a week and see how both do.” Natasha stratigies.

Bucky nods in agreement writing it down and says, “What was the other question?”  
Natasha puts another piece on her fork while answering, “So, Wanda is about to graduate and she was wondering if we’d like to hire her as a manager, still working some mornings but managing nights and she said she has ideas for bringing entertainment here and art, which we’ve been lacking. She has a lot of connections with people from school and I guess she’s a business and art double major. What do you think?”

“I’d think that’d be perfect. We wouldn’t have to worry so much and come in ourselves during the night shifts.” Bucky states. “Plus it’d help her get a solid work visa, right?”

“Yeah, she didn’t mention it but I know she’s thinking about it. You know I love her, everyone on the team does. Plus she’s respected by everyone. I say we do it.” Natasha takes another bite and shakes hands with Bucky as they promised with they’d always do a business decision to keep some form of professionalism. “She’ll start after she graduates in two weeks, she was firm about that.”

Bucky nods.

“Can I ask one question about the hunk?” Natasha tries.

Bucky sighs and nods.

“Is he a good man?” Natasha asks seriously measuring Bucky’s reaction.

“He’s the best man I’ve ever known.” Bucky tells honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll always put content warnings on chapters that deal with sex, PTSD themes, body image issues, and anything else I think I'll need to add in the beginning chapter notes. These first handful of chapters will probably stay pretty light.


	3. Thawing

Bucky is nervous. He had set five alarms before taking a nap and was barely able to sleep, his stomach warm and twisting and his head swirling. He tried playing with Winter, tried reading, tried watching his favorite show. But he could only just sit there and wait until 6:45pm when he would leave and walk to Steve’s. He ends up stress baking and bringing it down to his neighbor, an older woman named Peggy who couldn’t get out much anymore and who loved telling him about her children and grandchildren. 

Eventually 6:45pm rolls around and Bucky leaves the apartment making sure Winter was fed and nothing would burn down in his absence. He also remembers to take the tupperware with two slices of his new cheesecake and a few of the cookies Bucky had that afternoon before he leaves.

As he walks towards Steve’s he realizes how little he went out at night anymore. Sometimes Nat would get him to come to the bar her boyfriend works at, sometimes he’d go see a movie, rarely he’d get the nerve to make an appointment to see his therapist, usually it would be to help out at the shop even though he’d be back there by dawn. But most nights he’d make himself dinner or order delivery and find ways to spend his time alone with Winter. 

As Bucky reaches Steve’s brownstone he wonders if Steve could relate.

He texts Steve to let him know he’s outside, soon Steve opens the door and leads him up the stairs to the second floor casually asking how his night is going. The first thing Bucky notices when Steve opens his apartment’s door is a dog barking and the smell of onion. 

“Hey, Star it’s alright.” Steve reassures her and she licks his face before going back to lay in her bed. Steve turns to Bucky and explains proudly, “She worries if I leave when the stove is on, she’s really smart.”

“She’s beautiful, is it okay to pet her?” Bucky asks.

“Let her get used to your scent and she’ll come up and introduce herself to you soon.” Steve instructs, while stirring something in a pan.

Bucky stands for a minute, unsure of himself, second guessing wearing an old baggy flannel and jeans seeing Steve in a nice polo shirt and clean slacks that he wasn’t wearing before. Bucky wonders if Steve is trying to impress him but it slips out of his mind quickly. Steve looks at him with a small smile.

“Can I get you anything? I have beer, wine, water, tea?” Steve offers.

“I’ll take a beer please.” Bucky answers, looking over at Star who is staring back mercilessly. “I brought dessert, by the way.” Setting them down on the counter.

Steve grabs two beers and opens them up, passing one to Bucky motioning for him to sit at one of the barstools. He comments, “Thanks Bucky! I feel like I’m gonna have a lot more sweets nowadays.” Bucky smiles at the thought of Steve becoming a regular to the shop. “I probably should have asked what you wanted for dinner but I got excited. Is lasagna alright? I make a vegetarian lasagna and chicken but I can hold the chicken or make something else-”

“Sounds great to me.” Bucky reassures him then starts making conversation, “So do you live alone? You said you usually cook for yourself.”

“I actually have a roommate, but his job has him out at nights most of the week and when he has days off he’s usually with his girlfriend. When he is around he’s a really cool guy and he loves Star which is important. I was worried coming here that I wouldn’t be able to find a place because of her but I would never leave her. Sam owns this place, his uncle is a real estate agent and he manages this brownstone as a favor, with the two other floors in it. He would be able to live alone but he felt wrong not having someone use the place for more than just a crashing pad like he was, plus letting a second bedroom go to waste in Brooklyn? He says that would be evil. He used to be in the Air Force too so that’s nice to have in common, he’s at the VA sometimes I don’t know if you’ve been going there.” Steve speaks while he makes sauce and boils the noodles. Easygoing but rambling, Bucky can tell he’s comfortable and tries to mimic the feeling. 

“I haven’t been to the VA in years, they haven’t been much help. I honestly haven’t been since they decided my case didn’t require their help with health insurance. Which sucks when I have flare ups and have to pay out of pocket since Nat and I aren’t quite big enough to be able to offer benefits yet.” Bucky confesses sipping at his beer.

Steve stops cooking and looks at Bucky sadly, “We really can be all talk sometimes.”

Star gets out of her bed and sniffs Bucky’s leg before nudging his arm with her head, he looks down and reaches out to pet her, she lets him and rest her head against his leg. Steve peers over and grins.

“She never does that this soon.” Steve informs. “She trusts you.”

Bucky blushes yet again.

They chat about cooking for awhile as Steve creates the layers and complies them, letting Bucky season the chicken. Steve tells him about taking three months off to travel Europe after his last tour and learning a lot about food and cooking while he was there. How he wants to travel South Asia sometime soon or maybe Iceland. Bucky confesses that he hasn’t been able to travel except for cookbooks and tv shows which makes Steve laugh and put a hand on his shoulder, which lingers for a moment longer than customary. Bucky thinks about traveling with Steve.

Steve suggests sitting on the couch as the lasagna and chicken bake. Star follows them and lays next to Steve, her head on his thigh, watching them. 

Steve refers to Star, “She’s my emotional support animal, you probably guessed that already though. After I came back I was having trouble with some” He takes a breath, “episodes. A VA doctor suggested I look into an ESA and I met her and we just clicked. She was right out of training and I don’t know I just felt instantly calmer around her. I’m allowed to bring her to work with me, which is good since she gets bratty when I leave her alone too long. It’s like a thing with her breed. I’ve been told, ‘Vizsla’s will be extremely loyal and demand the same from you’”

Steve rubs Star’s ears absentmindedly and smiles lovingly at her.

“I have a cat named Winter.” Bucky shares. “He’s not an ESA technically but he keeps me company and keeps me grounded.” 

Bucky shows a photo of him to Steve and Steve coos. Bucky notices how much softer Steve has become. Steve used to put up this front, especially when he was young and skinny, a toughness that he’d let fade occasionally, usually around Bucky. Steve feels less untouchable now to Bucky, he wonders how much he’s changed in the eyes of Steve. He knows he looks different now.

They sit in comfortable silence for a bit, drinking beer. Finally Steve asks, “So, do you live alone? Besides Winter.”

“Yeah, just a small apartment. It’s close to the bakery which is nice.” Bucky answers.

“Are you s-” The timer goes off right before Steve can finish his question but Bucky is pretty sure what he was about to ask and his nervousness returns, he hadn’t noticed himself relax but apparently he had. And now the coil of anxiety is back.

Steve gets up to get the lasagna and chicken out of the oven and Bucky and Star follow. The smell almost makes Bucky forget where he is, transporting him to that warm feeling you get with home cooked food, the feeling he gets when something bakes perfectly. Then the coil demands attention again.

“I have some red wine, do you want me to open it up?” Steve questions as he gets out plates.

Bucky nods and wishes he could help more but doesn’t want to get in the way.

“Would you like to open it?” Steve offers him the bottle and a corkscrew and Bucky gratefully takes it.

Steve puts lasagna and chicken on both their plates and grabs silverware before leading Bucky to the dining table where he sets the plates down. He heads back to the kitchen and returns with wine glasses. They sit down across from each other and Steve pours the wine. Bucky waits to see if Steve wants to repeat his question before they start eating. Steve also looks unsure.

They both take a sip of their wine and Steve starts to laugh. “I’ve made this uncomfortable.”

“No, you-” Bucky tries to deny weakly. “A little.”

Steve runs his hand through his hair. “So, are you? Seeing anyone?”

Bucky shakes his head. “No, uh, not for awhile. You?”

“No, I, uh, guess it’s been awhile too.” Steve responds, this time he has a bit of a blush starting in his neck.

Bucky can’t hide his smile, biting his lip to try and stop it, which makes Steve blush more. The coil in Bucky’s stomach turns to something else as his take a bite on lasagna and nods in appreciation. Wiping some excess sauce away from his lip with his finger and liking it off. Steve darts his eyes away growing pinker. Bucky’s mouth breaks into a beam, he knows how to play this game with Steve.

They eat in silence for a bit, exchanging looks and smiles. At one point Bucky purposely gets sauce on his chin and Steve wipes it away with his finger. It’s warm in the small dining room from the wine, the food, but above all from their flirtation. 

Bucky breaks the silence, “So, do you like your job?” He asks out of genuine curiosity.

Steve thinks for a moment, “It’s okay. I don’t like it as much as I used to honestly.” He pauses. “I would never say this to anyone I didn’t trust.” Bucky’s heart swells for a moment. “But I don’t know if I believe we’re doing good anymore. At least not enough to outweigh the bad. I got into the Army to protect people and to protect justice but now I feel like I’m just there because it’s all I’ve known. But I also believe it’s still important, I just wish it was better.”

Steve lets out a breath and looks contemplative.

“That’s why I left.” Bucky responds. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I got injured for a reason that I shouldn’t have in a place we shouldn’t have been in and I realized we weren’t the good guys.”

The air in the room drops and Bucky reaches out his hand which Steve takes. 

“I’ve been thinking about applying to the FBI branch here.” Steve almost whispers like he’s ashamed. “I’ve also been drawing a lot and writing a story, I don’t know if it’s anything but I kinda want to see if I can finish it and get it published. But that’s just a dream.”

“Owning a bakery used to be a dream.” Bucky counters.

They eat some more and chat then get up to clean the dishes, talking about tv shows they watch while washing and drying. Bucky’s face almost hurts from smiling.

“So, I am very eager to try this secret dessert.” Steve proclaims. 

Bucky gets it out from the fridge. “Okay, but Stevie you have to have an open mind though. This is something I’m just experimenting with, we haven’t even had it in the shop yet.”

“I’m probably gonna love it, jerk.” Steve says in his defense. 

Bucky opens up the tupperware and explains, “It’s an earl grey cheesecake with prosciutto roses. I’m tryna make a new kinda savory and sweet dish like beyond the usual. Also I brought you some of those cookies you liked.” 

“Oh my god it looks so pretty.” Bucky scoffs. “I mean it, Buck. It looks really nice. Can I try it now?”

Steve takes a large forkfull and moans once it enters his mouth to Bucky’s dismay in regards to his heart and bodily reactions. 

“Holy fuck that’s good. How the hell is this so good?” Steve playfully questions.

Bucky laughs. “If I managed to make Steven Rogers curse I guess I’ve done something well.”

“Fuck you. But yes you did something amazing here.” He leans in a little bit closer to Bucky and Bucky’s heart flutters. Steve grabs another forkful and offers it to Bucky who puts his mouth around the fork and looks up at Steve as slides his mouth off. Bucky’s face tingles and his stomach knots up in the best kind of ways. Steve’s mouth is open slightly and his pupils are larger than they were a minute ago. Bucky chews and swallows and licks his lips unnecessarily, watching Steve follow the movement of his tongue and stay on his lips. 

“Do you want to kiss me?” Bucky asks quietly. If this was any other person they would be kissing right now, probably before they even finished dinner. But months of not seeing anyone and the history he has with Steve holds him back. And he’s sure it’s holding Steve back as well, although he has always been the more timid one when it comes to this, whatever it is.

“More than anything.” Steve replies softly and waits as Bucky lets that sink in before finally closing the distance between them finding Steve’s lips against his, tasting their shared meal. Minutes pass before they break away, looking each other in the eyes and both smiling widely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say I'm a sucker for fluffy first kisses.


	4. Waited So Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Thoughts of paranoia and body issues.

Bucky’s heart will not slow down. Steve is so close to him for the first time in a decade and he couldn’t let go. His stomach starts spinning, then his head. The first signs of paranoia. Steve is going to leave you like you leaved him, the voice in his head screamed. Steve thinks you’re disgusting, it yelled. Steve is just doing this out of pity, it shouted.

  
Bucky pulls away frantically searching for his breathing to settle down. Steve looks on, confused and concerned gently placing his hand on Bucky’s back.  
“Buck, are you alright? Did I do something?” Steve asks frantically.

  
Bucky tries his best to breathe deeply and evenly and shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” He whispers.

  
“But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Steve deflects sincerely.  
~~~

  
Once Bucky has a glass of water and is back to a more even state of mind he turns to Steve who looks comically concerned, his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth in a deep frown, and eyes searching Bucky’s own.

  
“It just, gets a little loud sometimes.” Bucky puts a finger to his temple. “The, um,” He pauses, he doesn’t talk about this with people outside of his therapist, and even then he hardly discusses it. But if anyone could understand it would be Steve, at least that’s what Bucky gambled on, “paranoia.”

  
Steve sinks back a little and nods slightly. “Yeah.” He says quietly.

  
“I didn’t expect this to come up so fast. We haven’t even made it past first base.” Bucky jokes half heartedly, the voice in his head still yelling at him.

  
“We _should_ talk, Buck.” Steve says in a natural authoritative voice, the voice of a leader. “We haven’t seen each other in years and we gotta figure this out before anything else happens.”

  
Bucky squeezes his own hand tightly then releases and repeats. He becomes fully aware of every part of his body and his heart beat rises again. He asks in a softer voice, “Do you want more to happen?”

  
Steve breathes out with an almost laugh and Bucky’s heart clenches, almost certain it’ll turn into Steve laughing him out of his apartment. But instead Steve puts his hand gently on Bucky’s face and lightly guides his face towards his. “I’ve been thinking about you since you left, Bucky. And I’ve been missing you, so much.” Steve took a breath and smiled brightly. “I want to be with you, in whatever way you’re comfortable with. And if you don’t want to be with me I understand.”

  
Bucky lets himself rest his head on Steve’s shoulder. And says into Steve’s neck, “I want to be with you.”

  
He pulls away and looks in Steve’s eyes, “I can’t go any further tonight. But I want to do this with you.”

  
Steve grins and pulls him into a hug.

“I never thought I’d get to see you again.” Steve quietly says near Bucky’s ear. Bucky’s heart aches for all the time lost but it’s overpowered by the feeling of now.  
~~~

  
“It’s getting late. Do you wanna sleep over? I don’t want to make you walk home.” Steve asks after awhile of them talking and kissing and adds in quickly, “This isn’t me pressuring you into doing anything, I can sleep on the couch if that makes you feel more comfortable-“

  
Bucky cuts him off, “Yes, please. But yeah no funny business, Mister.”

  
Steve bites his lip as he smiles. “Alright, well give me like one minute to clean up in there.”

  
As Steve leaves to clean up a, no doubt, very small mess, Bucky lets it sink in how good it feels to be with Steve again. Even being near him makes Bucky feel alive. He’s still fighting the voices in his head but Steve has always been authentic in what he says, so Bucky has to trust that he wants this and feels this as much as Bucky.

  
Steve reappears before Bucky. “If you’d like to join me, I can lead the way.” Steve holds out his hand jokingly but Bucky takes it. Star trails behind them and they giggle about nothing. They land on the bed by way of Steve’s mauveering as they kiss gleefully. Steve had lit a candle and the room is filled with the warm smell of ginger and sandalwood. Bucky’s head doesn’t sound so loud anymore, he realizes a lot of that is due to the sudden sleepiness that has come over him. He yawns into the kiss and immediately apologizes.

“I really don’t want to be an old man but I’ve been up since 5am and I’m usually asleep before whatever time it is now.” Bucky explains, chuckling as he sees the clock read 2am.

“Oh my God. Of course, Bucky, yeah. Please. I should go to sleep too. Do you have to be up at 5?” Steve asks worriedly.

“No, no. The shop is closed on Mondays. What about you, do you have work in the morning?” Bucky passes back the question.

“Uh, I was actually thinking about taking the day off.” Steve confesses. “I was wondering if you wanted to spend the day visiting old hang out spots with me. Feel no pressure, if you want your day off to yourself you should.”

Bucky grins and pushes Steve’s shoulder lightly. “You big sap! I’d really like that.”

Steve leans into kiss Bucky deeply and they become entangled in each other. For awhile they alternate between kissing and smiling widely at each other until Bucky’s eyes have trouble staying open. Steve goes to blow out the candle and change, where Bucky takes the chance to oogle at Steve without his shirt on, which Steve catches and chucks said shirt at him.

“Do you want any sweats?” Steve asks.

Bucky pauses for a moment, considering his own humiliation if Steve’s pants don’t fit him over the thought of wearing Steve’s clothes. “No, uh, is it okay if I just wear my boxers?”

Steve nods and comments, “I thought you were the commando kinda guy?”

“I work in a bakery around very hot ovens, I like the security of an extra layer.” Bucky retorts.

Bucky takes off his jeans but keeps on his flannel and crawls under the warm duvet, sighing at the feeling of relaxation. Steve joins him in sweats and an old t shirt that Bucky thinks he remembers Steve owning 10 years ago.

“Thoughts on cuddling?” Steve questions, facing Bucky.

“Only if I can be little spoon.”

Steve nods and Bucky turns around, letting Steve pull him in close.

“G’night, Steve.” Bucky mumbles sleepily.

“Good night, Buck.” Steve replies contently.

The last thing Bucky feels before drifting to sleep is Steve’s strong arms holding him tight and the lingering smell of ginger and sandalwood.

~

Bucky jolts awake, a scream ringing in his ears. He takes deep breaths to calm himself down and gently slips out of Steve’s arms. He sits up on the bed, his head in his hands and he tries to focus on the ground beneath his feet and his chest letting air in and out of his body. Star, who was at the foot of the bed comes up to Bucky and lays her head on his thigh. Bucky’s eyes water immediately as he lets his emotions come to the surface as Star looks up at him with kind eyes. He pets her as he calms down, silently thanking her. He looks over at Steve and then at the clock, it was only 9am but Bucky knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. He gives one last scratch on the top of Star’s head and gets up.

He heads to the bathroom first, semi familiar with it from last night. After, he stands in the space between the bedroom and the kitchen. He knows cooking would help him get his mind off of his nightmare even though Steve’s warmth is tempting. He starts rooting through the kitchen as quiet as he can, looking for ingredients for pancakes. He also finds bacon and potatoes in his search and he begins prepping.

As the pancakes and potatoes cook he flips over the bacon that’s on a baking sheet in the oven. It’s almost 10am when he hears floors creaking and the door opening, but it’s not Steve’s door. Bucky’s hyper aware of his lack of pants and his being in the kitchen of another person’s place making food without permission. As Bucky contemplates running to get his pants, a familiar face appears from the room.

“Bucky?” Sam asks confused. He wipes his eyes and sniffs the air. “Did you break into my house to cook me breakfast? I mean I’m not complaining I just didn’t think you knew where I lived.”

Bucky stands there stunned for a moment and answers, “I mean I know how much you like my food. No, I’m-uh, I stayed over with Steve. And I woke up early so: breakfast.”

Sam takes a seat at a barstool and considers this, “Y’know I kinda thought Steve was more of a prude.”

“Oh, we didn’t, not last night. We’ve known each other for, well, forever.” Bucky explains, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Army?” Sam asks knowingly.

“Yeah, and before then.” Bucky says.

“Just as friends?” Sam tries with a wink.

Bucky smirks and Sam gives another laugh.

“God, now Nat and I finally have couple friends that we can go on double dates with, she’s gonna hate it.” Sam plans with a smile.

“Speaking of, has Nat not met your roommate before?” Bucky questions while flipping a pancake. “She didn’t know who he was when Steve was at the shop yesterday.”

“Nah, she keeps a pretty firm ‘I live alone so why would we go over to your place’ policy.” Sam shrugs.

“Ah, aka the ‘I refuse to be quiet during sex because of your roommate’ policy.” Bucky corrects.

Sam and Bucky laugh. Sam tells Bucky about a ridiculous customer as he finishes up breakfast. As he’s making a few eggs, Steve comes out.

“Holy Hell it smells amazing out here.” Steve remarks as he enters the kitchen. “Good morning, Sam. I see you’ve met Bucky.”

“Yeah, like a year ago. Nat’s the Nat that co-owns the shop with Bucky.” Sam catches him up.

“Oh, wow. How did I think there was just an odd number of Natashas who owned bakeries?” Steve asks out loud with a perplexed face.

“You were probably too distracted, macking on me.” Bucky teases.

Sam gives him a fist bump as Steve rolls his eyes.

“Speaking of,” Steve walks up to Bucky and gives him a long kiss. Bucky’s stomach flutters

“Listen, I’m starving.” Sam interrupts. “ So if y’all wanna make out some more I’m just gonna make myself a plate.”

Steve pulls away. “I gotta take Star out real quick, but start without me.” He gives Bucky another quick kiss before grabbing Star’s leash, Star happily following him out the door.

Once Steve returns, Bucky and Sam are joking around at the table. Sam has started to eat but Bucky waits for Steve to sit down next to him. Steve puts his hand on Bucky’s knee as he takes a bite on pancakes and moans in appreciation.

“Bucky, this is so good.” Steve compliments him.

Sam and Bucky look at each other and laugh. “I told you he’d make a sex noise.” Sam says.

“It’s cute.” Bucky decides, looking at Steve warmly.

Steve gruffs something unintelligible and takes another bite, moaning louder this time.

The breakfast is full of jokes and laughter and small kisses that Steve and Bucky share despite Sam’s teasing. The scream that woke up Bucky is almost silent.

“I’m gonna go back to bed since I’m working again tonight. Thank you for the meal Bucky, it was a very nice weird surprise to see you in my kitchen this morning.” Sam says as he departs back into his room.

Bucky and Steve take the dishes to the sink and Steve ends up in between Bucky and the counter where Bucky can feel Steve’s lingering morning wood. He almost drops to his knees right then and there. Instead he looks up at Steve, almost unnoticeably scooting his hips more flush with Steve’s and reminds him, “You said you wanted to go out to our old hang out spots today, right?”

Steve’s head falls back slightly. “I kinda regret that now because all I can think about is staying in bed with you all day.”

“I can tell.” Bucky whispers into Steve’s ear then pulls back. “But, I have to go home and feed Winter, also change out of these clothes.”

“Do you want me to come with you or should we meet up somewhere?” Steve asks logistically, obviously trying hard not to think about his hardness.

“Why don’t you meet me at my place. You might need a little time to deal with, y’know.”

“Thanks,” Steve says half jokingly. “Text me your address?”

Bucky nods and goes to grab his jeans and essentials from the bedroom. He pulls Steve into a indulgent kiss before he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write them going out but I wanted to post this because I was excited to introduce Sam into the story as well as write some more gay shit. There's probably going to be some smut in the next chapter or so!
> 
> Also, most of these chapter titles/fanfiction title are from songs that I like, let me know if you want me to post who they're by!


	5. How Big How Blue How Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve revisit old memories and find a little trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for discussion of body image issues, brief homophobic language
> 
> Sorry that I've been on a little bit of a hiatus, I haven't been as inspired until the other day but I really want to continue this semi self indulgent fanfic.

Bucky’s is brighter on his way back to his apartment. He’s more conscious of the birds outside and the people he passes and the nice weather. On walks he’s usually focused on getting from point A to point B, preferring to focus his eyes on his feet, only looking up to avoid crashing into people or inanimate objects. He doesn’t like doing this-he used to walk down the streets with bravado and regularly chatted with strangers. He was the guy you’d enter into a interesting or flirty conversation on the subway that you would tell your friends about once you got to your destination. He used to love meeting new people, sharing himself with new people, making new friends or lovers. But after he came home the light within him that pushed him to do this started to fade, and fade fast. He wants it back. 

 

Bucky opens his door and laughs when Winter immediately runs up to yell at him and swirl around his legs so he can barely walk into the apartment. He decides it’s just easier to pick him up and hold him while he continues yelling at him with loud drawn out meows, but he hears his purring underneath. He drops him in his cat tree to get his food and water. Once he’s happily munching he strips and takes a quick shower. He’s really trying not to be too giddy about last night and the promise of today but he can’t help it. 

 

Bucky hates how long he takes picking out an outfit. He hasn’t gone out for new clothes in awhile since it makes him anxious and his closet is full of baggy shirts and jeans. He tries to find the most okay t shirt out of all of them and clean enough jeans. Changes into a flannel then back into the t shirt then into an almost identical t shirt. He feels like he’s picking out a prom dress but all of them are too brightly neon with too many ruffles. 

 

Bucky’s phone buzzes as he trims his stubble. Steve says he’s outside. Bucky smiles involuntarily and puts his longish hair into a loose bun before heading to the front door. He tries to remind himself this isn’t prom or anything huge but the butterflies in his stomach don’t stop. He gives Winter a quick pet and kiss and heads out the door. 

 

“Hey, man.” Bucky greets as he approaches Steve. 

 

“Hey, buddy.” Steve pulls Bucky into a quick kiss that makes Bucky’s heart beat faster. When Steve pulls away Bucky has wide eyes. “Oh, sorry, was that not okay? I shoulda asked-“

 

“No, it was nice. You can definitely keep doing that. I just, I’m not used to it.” Bucky reassures with a smile. “But I like it.”

 

Steve gives Bucky another cheeky peck and asks, “So where do first?”

 

“You up for Coney Island?” Bucky offers, the first place he remembers. 

 

“Oh God, just don’t let me have too many corn dogs.” Steve jokes and they laugh as they walk to the subway station, recounting memories along the way.

 

Bucky doesn’t go on the subway as often, work and loneliness is his priority unless his friends drag him to a place in a different borough. But Steve and him would take a lot of subway rides to get to jobs or school or places like Coney Island when they wanted to get away without really getting too far away. He still remembers their last subway ride together, to the airport to the training base. He wishes he would have gotten off the subway at Coney Island instead, asked Steve to join him and lived a different life. They would have never done that then.

 

As Bucky feels himself starting to get consumed in a heavy emotion, Steve taps him on the shoulder and he gets up and out of the train with Steve trying to return to himself. They walk a bit until they reach the lovable mess that is Coney Island. 

 

“How are you feeling since last night?” Steve asks as casually as he can but his worry comes out.

 

“Fine, y’know. A little embarrassed. I get a bit in my head.” Bucky answers honestly rubbing the back of his neck as they enter the park, which isn’t as busy as it usually is being Monday afternoon in early spring and all.

 

The taller man contemplates his answer for a minute as they get their tickets. Once they step inside the actual park he speaks, “I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. I know we didn’t used to be the talkin’ about feelings kinda guys but that’s not always healthy. We’ve both been through too much to just be stoic and cover it up.” Steve says confidently. “At least let’s forget the stoic act with each other.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Bucky is stunned by Steve, he’s always been his most emotional friend but he never actually talked about his emotions, just showed them. “God, you’ve grown.” 

 

Bucky looks up at Steve gives him a small kiss on the cheek and takes his hand, feeling giddy about giving affection in such a public place. Steve smiles and leads them to the Cyclone.

 

The heavy breakfast he made for them bounces around both their stomachs on the roller coaster but they both let out yells and laughs that come from the innocent adrenaline rush. Stepping off the ride just incites more laughter as they bump into each other dizzily.

“Okay, yeah I think they made this ride even better. I don’t feel like it’s gonna fall apart as easier as I used to.” Steve comments.

 

“I remember seeing wrenches and nails on the ground right before the big twist and screaming my head off just a lil’ more.” Bucky responds. He looks around the park. “Wow, they really got so much more rides here. I’ve also never seen it look this clean.”

 

“You wanna do another ride? Or we can grab a snack and sit on the beach like old men.” Steve half jokes.

 

Bucky chuckles. “Being past 30 feels like I’m an old man, I’m down to sit on the beach.” 

 

Steve nods in almost relief. They decided on splitting a milkshake and find a clean spot to watch the waves. Bucky lightly rests his head on Steve’s shoulder.

 

“When you suggested Coney, I was half expecting to come here and act like a 20 year old again and ride every ride and play all the games to impress you. But I’m really glad you’re also a bit old.” Steve confesses.

 

“I’m on my feet about 10-15 hours of my day for 6 days a week, my ideal days off are on my ass.” The baker says with a pseudo annoyance.

 

“And what a lovely ass it is.” Steve says right before sipping the milkshake inconspicuously.

 

“Where’d you develop all this flirting, Rogers?” Bucky questions playfully, blushing slightly. “I thought I was the big flirt.”

 

“I guess I learned from you then. Just took a minute for the lessons to sink in.” The blonde retorts offering Bucky’s lips the milkshake.

 

He sips on it while Steve still holds it, an oddly intimate act that makes Bucky’s skin warm.

 

“We should come here to swim sometime, Buck.” Steve plans.

Bucky looks away and bites the inside of his cheek. He says quietly, “I don’t really have much of a beach body anymore…”

 

Steve’s body moves and Bucky falls from his shoulder forcing him to face Steve. Steve’s eyebrows are furrowed in his familiar genuine worry. “Are you worried about your body? About me not liking it?”

 

Bucky tries not to roll his eyes, barely succeeds. “Well, how could I not worry? Your body is Adonis level, you got so fit in the Army and you’re even more now. And I’ve...I guess I let myself go. Working in a bakery and not going to the gym and all I just, you know, don’t want you to look at me like you’re ashamed of me.”

 

Steve shakes his head softly with a sad look. “Bucky, listen to me, you are so handsome. I don’t care what you weigh, I don’t care about anything except that I get to be with you. I liked how you felt when I held you last night, I like looking at you, I like touching you, I like everything about you. How your body has changed is just another part of you. And I really really like you.”

 

Bucky tries to believe him, he lets himself believe Steve for now. He battles a tear and a smile as they fight to come out at the same time and just lets both of them win. Steve uses his thumb to wipe away a tear and Bucky lets out an airy laugh at how cliche it feels. Instead of saying anything he pulls Steve into a deep kiss, he lets them both fall back on the sand and let passion take over the logic in his brain. 

 

Steve finally pulls away and whispers. “There’s families on this beach.”

 

“So?” Bucky counters cheekily, knowing there’s just old people and drifters at the beach, which makes Steve laugh and indulges him in a few more minutes of kissing before breaking away again.

 

“There’s families on this beach and I’m about to get a boner.” Steve says quietly which makes Bucky laugh.

 

“Oh, I gotta take Star out for a quick walk before we do anything else. Is that alright?” Steve remembers. “Would you want to take her to the Owl’s Head park?”

 

Bucky nods and gets up with him.

They end up in Owl’s Head park with Star about an hour later and the air has come down to late afternoon cool. Bucky’s stomach continues to warm as they walk around the park idly talking and looking at the sights. Bucky’s stomach warms for a reason more than just the nice stroll, Steve and him have a very specific memory in this park and he’s trying to figure out if Steve has it in his mind as well. He almost brings it up a few times but decides against it each time.

 

They end up stopping at a bench near a fallen tree and Bucky’s head floods with memories, Star sits dutifully beside Steve and Bucky scooches close to Steve. Steve mindlessly plays the with the hair that doesn’t make it in his bun on the back of his neck.

 

“I would think they’d move this tree since we were last here.” Steve finally breaks the silence on the memory. “Kissing you for the first time on the tree I thought we would fall through the branches.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I was the one kissing you for the first time but old man.” Bucky teases.

 

“I feel like it was a joint effort at least. Also who are you calling an old man? You’re older than me.” Steve kisses the top of the brunette’s head.

 

“Yeah, by one year but who really acts like the old man here? Hm?” Bucky retorts with a smug smile. 

 

“You’re the one who wear clogs.” Steve answers.

 

Bucky turn sharply towards Steve and lightly wats his arm. “Don’t you dare make fun of the clogs! They’re the only reason my feet have survived.”

 

Steve has a huge smile on his face and he leans forward, Bucky can’t help but be drawn in and they kiss softly. 

 

The memory of their first kiss hit hard, Bucky and Steve were only sixteen and seventeen. They’d gotten into an argument that week over how to deal with some bullies that had been picking on Steve. Steve didn’t want to do anything, which was confusing to Bucky since Steve always stood up to bullies. By the time Bucky found out why they were bullying Steve, which had only been after a few punches with the bullies and Bucky alone one day, he confronted Steve. Steve was defensive about his sexuality at first, but Bucky opened up at being bisexual and Steve started crying in relief. He remembers putting his hand on Steve’s neck and whispering a question of permission and he’d never seen Steve so happily dumbfounded. They snuck kisses on that fallen tree, both wary of being seen by the wrong people.

“I’ve missed kissin’ you.” Bucky murmurs against Steve’s lips. 

 

“Me too.” Steve nipped at Bucky’s lip before pulling away. “Sometimes I dream about kissing you and wake up with my lips tingling.” 

 

“God, I love how sappy you are right now.” Bucky says honestly looking into Steve’s blue eyes.

 

They watch the sunset together while Star runs after a ball Steve brought. They kiss occasionally and laugh about memories in the park. 

 

“Hey, what about the deli?” Steve asks randomly. “Where I worked? Is it still open?”

 

Bucky thinks for a moment. “Oh, no. I think the owners retired or were bought out. There’s a bar there now. They still got some deli shit there though, some weird Brooklyn trend.”

 

Steve seems sad for a moment, probably had hope to see the owners who were always so kind to him when he hit financial troubles. “Would you wanna go? I wouldn’t mind a drink. Not too late so you’re not falling asleep on bread.”

 

Bucky chuckles and nods. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

 

Bucky forgets time and reality when he’s with Steve. He hasn’t checked his phone all day, which isn’t that uncommon but still notable, and he’s so focused on his surroundings. They drop Star at home, giving her food and catching Sam before he leaves for his shift who teases them for their smitten looks. They end up at the bar during their happy hour and it’s relatively packed with alternative artsy types and business people getting off work. Bucky and Steve find seats at a high top table in the center, deciding on local craft beers.

 

“Oh my god is that the meat slicer?” Steve questions unfathomably pointing to a machine near the lines of liquor bottles. 

 

“I told you, it’s some weird Brooklyn trend of random shit in bars and restaurants. I don’t know how much I can talk though since we Natasha has a broken accordian hanging on one of our walls for no reason. Or maybe there is a reason, y’know we’ve been friends for years like five or six years and I know almost nothing of her past.” Bucky remarks. “I know she moved around as a kid and hasn’t lived in New York long and she has an ex named Clint. And that’s it.”

 

“Jesus, I wonder if she’s told anything to Sam.” Steve wonders. 

 

“I doubt it. She’s just not that kinda person. I don’t mind it though, she’s a great friend and business partner.” Bucky smiles smally. “I really like being a baker, although it’s time to hire someone to help me in the kitchen which I’m not excited for.”

 

“Don’t wanna share the floor?” The blonde asks.

 

“I guess. I just get into a certain headspace in the kitchen and don’t wanna lose it. But I should take more hours off, get back into physical therapy and all. We’re promoting one of our baristas to a manager, which is good.” Bucky explains.

 

“Time to let the responsibility be shared a bit more?” 

 

“Yes, which, I mean we’ve always wanted to have respect and equality among the team but Nat and I used to work 15 hours days, every day, it’s hard to give up responsibility after that. Nat’s definitely the one pushing me to go home more often but I don’t know, I don’t wanna lose control.” Bucky confesses.

 

Steve hums in understanding. “I don’t think you will. You’ll probably have more control by letting your body and mind rest more.”

 

Bucky nods and gives Steve a short kiss. “You wanna ‘nother beer?”

 

“I actually was looking at their special tonight.” Steve answers. “Wanna get a round of those?”

 

Bucky agrees and heads to order at the bar. The special, elderberry moscow mules, gets Bucky tipsy and he realizes how little he drinks lately. Steve seems to be a little buzzed as well as they start making more jokes and getting into casual conversation.

 

A table over a woman is obviously upset with something her companion said. Steve’s brows furrow and looks at Bucky with the look he’d get right before saying they should intervene. The woman is seeming more uncomfortable and Steve and Bucky stand up, Bucky whispering to Steve that they should only talk.

 

Bucky immediately goes to the woman asking, “Is everything alright? We overhead you being upset and wanted to check in.” The woman looks relieved and quietly tells Bucky the issue.

 

Steve confronts the man, “Do you have a problem?”

 

The man scoffs at Steve. “Hey, why don’t you mind your fucking business, huh? I’m just having a drink.”

 

“No, you’re making someone upset and not caring or doing anything about it.” Steve states.

 

The man stands up and puts his finger on Steve’s chest. “Don’t tell me what I did, fag.”

 

Bucky immediately goes to Steve and tries to calm him down, telling him to ignore the man. Steve doesn’t listen.

 

“Don’t you dare touch me or say anything like that to me.” Steve snarls.

“Steve, let’s just go.” Bucky says, the woman next to him about to leave with them.

 

Steve continues, “I serve my country and I come home to see that I worked to save the freedom of people who want to use it for hate. You’re why people don’t want to be here, why they don’t feel welcome anymore, because you get a fucking ego boost for putting other people down for their identity. You’re scum.”

 

The man is at a loss of words but his anger is boiled up. Before any of them can figure it out the man throws a heavy punch that strikes Steve’s cheek. He’s about to fight back when Bucky physically pulls him away. Once they’re outside Bucky asks the woman if she needs to be walked home but she already called for a ride and it’s outside. She thanks him and Steve profusely. 

 

Bucky grabs Steve’s arm and walks them towards his apartment, not saying a word for a few blocks. Once they’re inside Bucky’s apartment he silently orders him to sit at the kitchen table while he gets his first aid kit. Winter hops on Steve’s lap while Bucky puts hydrogen peroxide on a cotton ball. 

 

“You big idiot.” Bucky finally speaks. “If you got into a fight in that bar you could have lost your fucking job. Jesus, Steve.”

 

“I’m not gonna stand around and let people call me names.” Steve answer definiantly, wincing when Bucky dabs the cotton ball on Steve’s cut from the punch.

 

“I know, but this isn’t high school anymore. Our priority was to make sure that woman was safe, not beat up some guy and risk getting arrested.” Bucky counters. 

 

Steve takes a few deep breaths while Bucky puts a small bandage on the swelling cut. He gets a ice pack from the fridge and feeds Winter before coming back to the table. He takes Steve’s hand in his. 

 

“I’m just tired of bullies, Buck.” Steve says softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to mention that Steve Rogers is a Cancer Sun and Bucky Barnes is a fucking Pisces Sun!!! Idk if anyone else cares about astrology but those are the most emotional signs in my opinion and explains why I'm so drawn to writing them as such emotional people. I love my moody boys. 
> 
> Also I didn't edit this before posting because I wanna share it before going to bed so sorry for mistakes!


	6. Natural

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter, as Bucky and Steve return to work and Bucky makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor will be more present in the story, still as a minor character though as most of the people I mention are besides Buck and Steve. With Nat as a secondary character ofc. I don't think there are any TWs I need to post. I am planning on smut for the next chapter, I was going to write it this chapter but wanted to write a little slice of life instead.

It was nearing eleven, the moon big and bright in the sky, Bucky and Steve were tangled together in silence on his bed but there’s distance between them. Bucky felt his body begging for sleep, knowing he had to wake up early but his mind was whirling. Steve and him hadn’t talked as much since Bucky helped clean him up after the small fight. Bucky was thinking about Steve’s quickness to violence. Bucky used to be like that too, better to land a hit than try to reason with someone. Sometimes it’s still better to just land a hit. But Bucky avoids situations that ignite his temper now, unless it’s truly called for. He worries about Steve’s temper.

 

Bucky fills the silence, “Do you get into fights often?”

 

Steve sighs, his uninjured side of his head resting on Bucky’s chest. “Not as often as I did back in high school. It’s just sometimes...I can’t take it. I don’t start anything that the person doesn’t deserve and I never let myself go too hard.”

 

“But you still hurt ‘em.” Bucky judges. 

 

“Yeah.” Steve answers quietly. “I don’t like it though.”

 

“Some part of you does.” Bucky responds knowingly. He used to like the revenge and vigilante part of fighting. The part that made him feel like a hero.

 

Steve says nothing, which confirms he knows what Bucky is thinking. 

 

“I have to wake up early. You’re welcome to stay.” Bucky offers, unsure if he wants Steve to stay.

 

Steve is silent again before looking up at Bucky. “I should go home, Star is probably confused.”

 

Bucky and Steve make eye contact for a minute. Bucky speaks quietly but honestly, “I’ll miss you.”

 

Steve gives him a sweet smile. “Me too. If I come by the shop at around 8 could I see you?”

 

Bucky nods and leans down to give him an endearing kiss. Steve slowly leaves the apartment, getting distracted by kissing Bucky. Once the door shuts, Bucky makes sure his alarm is set and takes his sleeping medication, knowing he needs help quieting his mind. He lays on his back and runs the day through his mind before slowly drifting into sleep. 

 

In his dream he’s walking down some glass stairs, Steve is waiting for him at the end. Steve has on his army uniform and he has a big grin on his face which makes the cut on his cheek bigger. Bucky is being careful on the steps knowing they’re delicate. But, it doesn’t prevent him from falling through one of them, almost at the end, and as he falls through he wakes up with a yelp. His alarm goes off a few seconds later. 

 

Bucky checks his phone, seeing a photo from Steve of him and Star curled up together in bed. He texted alongside the photo, ‘Star got her spot back. Wish you were in this cuddle sandwich.’ It makes Bucky smile, but puts his dream in the forefront of his mind.

 

As Bucky gets ready for work he notices his shoulder is in more pain than usual. It’s often just a dull throbbing pain that he can ignore but today it’s sharp and pulsing. He grabs pain relievers before leaving, popping two pills in his mouth on his walk over and doing small exercises that usually help.

 

By the time he gets to the shop, his shoulder pain is relaxed slightly. The lights are already on and he hears Natasha muttering to herself in Russian in the back. As he walks in he sees her aggressively kneaded dough with an annoyed look on her face.

 

“What’d the dough do to you?” Bucky jokes hesitantly.

 

Natasha doesn’t look up but replies, putting the dough to the side. “It’s not the dough. I’m in a fight or whatever with Sam.”

 

Bucky frowns as he puts on his apron. “Since when? Are y’all alright?”

 

Natasha blows air from her mouth and finally looks up at Bucky. “He came over after his shift and he wanted to talk about us getting more serious and I told him I didn’t want to and it just blew up.”

 

“Oh, well doesn’t he know you’re aromantic?” Bucky asks.

 

“Yeah, but he doesn’t really understand it. I thought we were good how we were, but-” Natasha shakes her head, shaking her words away. “It’s fine. We need to get to work.”

 

Bucky almost tries to pry but decides Nat has her walls up already and chooses to bring it up later. They work in silence for awhile. Bucky retrieves a delivery order and works on cupcakes and pie and muffins for the day. Natasha is in a mood, which no one else but Bucky would notice, it’s a silent anger that’s behind a very thin wall covering up some other deeper emotion she won’t ever show. He hopes nothing sets her off today, which is unlikely when she’s like this.

 

As he’s rolling out the pie dough his shoulder starts hurting again. He sighs and rummages through a cabinet drawer for his balm. He applies the cayenne pepper and peppermint balm over his shoulder and washes his hands before going back to the pie. 

 

Natasha notices, as she always does. And she brings up casually but assertively, “We have resumes of bakers who could help out.”

 

Bucky sighs. “I know. I promise I’ll look at them today.”

 

Natasha nods and that’s the end of their conversation until pre opening breakfast. Thor, a buff Scandinavian man who looks like he’s both in college and a 35 year old dad, works most weekday opening shifts and instantly lightens the room. He’s even able to get Nat to laugh which is unusual in the mood she’s in. Thor and, their youngest employee at the moment, Shuri go back and forth over something vaguely nerdy. Bucky sits back and is almost envious of their youthfulness, but more than that nostalgic.

 

They open the shop and the first line of customers come in, the muffins are proving as popular as ever. Bucky decides to make some more as Nat helps out front. While those are in the oven Bucky decides to do his usual clean up sweep of the lounge area. Bruce is at his usual seat, but there’s someone across from him today.

 

They’re in a heated discussion, as Bucky approaches it it feels and sounds oddly flirty. Bruce barely notices him but looks up when his companion looks over.

 

“Hey Bruce, how’re you both in this morning?” Bucky prompts, curious about the new face. The stranger scans Bucky, who he notes is not exactly handsome but he’s attractive in a strange way, slim with hard edges and piercing eyes.

 

“Oh, y’know, good as usual. This is my partner, Stephen.” Bruce says casually. 

 

Stephen holds out his hand and Bucky shakes it, even more curious. “It’s good to meet you. Is this your first time here?”

 

Stephen answers in a gravelly, almost cocky voice, “I’ve been on a fellowship program for a few months, helping out surgery wards in India.”

 

“Oh, that’s very cool. Could I get either of you anything else? On the house.” Bucky asks.

 

Bruce denies the offer but Stephen answers with a flat tone, “I wouldn’t say no to another cappuccino.”

 

Bucky nods and heads over to the bar. He whispers to Nat, “Have you met Bruce’s partner?

Natasha scoffs and replies quietly, “Yeah, I can imagine why Bruce never brings him. He’s very high and mighty. Although anyone compared to Bruce seems high and mighty”

 

Bucky nods and chuckles, asking Thor to make a cappuccino before slipping back into the kitchen. He pulls out the muffins as the clock nears 8am. He sets the muffins to cool and heads back out.

 

“Two visits in less than an hour? How gracious of you.” Shuri jokes with a teasing smile as Bucky stands next to her. “What’s the occasion?”

 

“Can’t I just come out and help my employees?” Bucky asks, he’s met with an unbelieving face from Shuri and he rolls his eyes telling the truth, “Someone I know is supposed to come in soon.”

 

Bucky helps out at the counter as he waits for Steve. He starts to get anxious even though it’s only past 5 and Steve doesn’t even have to come by. Then he hears Steve’s voice saying something to Star and his stomach flutters. He comes around the counter to greet the duo. 

 

“Hey, Buck.” Steve says with a warm smile. “Is Star allowed in here?”

 

“Yeah, of course. She’s your service dog but we also have an unspoken rule about allowing dogs in.” Bucky answers and walks him to the counter which luckily isn’t busy at the moment. He says to Shuri. “Whatever he wants is on the house.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that, Buck.”

 

Bucky shrugs and notes, “I just pulled a fresh batch of muffins out of the oven if you want one of those: cinnamon spice and blueberry.”

 

Steve considers for a moment and asks Shuri. “Would I be able to get a small coffee with room.” And says to Bucky, “And a blueberry muffin.” He turns back to Shuri and slips a five dollar bill in the tip jar. “Thank you.” 

 

Shuri smiles, “No problem.” She gives him the coffee as Bucky retrieves the muffin. Thor and Natasha are giggling about something as Steve waves to them. Nat waves back with a smirk. 

 

Bucky comes out with the muffin and asks Steve, “Are you headed to work?”

 

“I have about fifteen minutes before I have to head over, I was planning on sitting down if you wanna join me.” Steve replies.

 

Bucky nods and they walk out to the outside tables and sit down. 

 

“Your swelling looks better.” Bucky comments, his dream still present in his mind.

 

Steve tilts his head side to side with a self deprecating look on his face. “All thanks to you. I was thinking about what you said last night when you were fixing me up. And you’re right, I’m not great at managing my fight reflexes.”

 

Bucky squints his eyes slightly. “Did you just admit to me being right? About getting into fights? Steven Grant Rogers, I didn’t think you’d cave so easy.”

 

Steve rolls his eyes. “I’m not  _ caving _ . I’m just agreeing with you on this particular part of my life, but I can’t promise I won’t get into fights but I’m gonna work on it.” They sit in silence for a moment. “Hey, could I take you out to dinner tonight?”

 

“I was gonna try to have a stay in night with Nat.” Bucky pauses for a moment. “She had a fight with Sam last night.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t even notice. Although I didn’t see him this morning so that’s probably why.” Steve mentions. “Tomorrow?”

 

Bucky nods and smirks, he leans across the table to kiss Steve and they think of places to go before Steve has to leave. When Bucky heads back into the shop, everyone behind the counter give him a teasing look. Bucky just ignores them but he has a smile on his face. He looks at the resumes that Nat laid out for him. Thor’s is in there, although his experience is really limited to working at the shop but there’s a note that says he’s always loved food and baking and wants to try to become a professional baker. Usually Bucky would tell someone to seek out culinary school, but he wonders how much Thor could learn just as an apprentice. He makes a mental note to talk to Thor after his shift ends.

 

Thor comes back to the kitchen to hang up his apron and say goodbye to Bucky. Bucky stops him before he can head out.

 

“Hey, I was looking through the resumes for bakers and I saw yours.” Bucky confronts.

 

Thor stands confidently as always. “I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring, as the American saying goes.”

 

“Yeah, I was thinking about it today. How would you feel about becoming my apprentice?” Bucky offers. “It would mean longer hours, coming in early and leaving later. Extra pay for the extra hours of course. But I can show you the ropes and see how it goes and you’d still primarily be a barista until we find a replacement if things go well.”

 

Thor’s face brightens with his kilowatt smile and pulls Bucky in a big bear hug laughing cheerfully. “That would be wonderful! Thank you, boss.”

 

Bucky hugs back gently, his shoulder is acting up again and he doesn’t want to move it too much. “You don’t have to call me boss. Bucky’s fine.” 

 

Thor pulls back. “Thank you, Bucky. Do I start tomorrow?”   
  


“Yeah, that’ll be good. Come in at 5.” Bucky decides and Thor gives him a thumbs up before heading out. 

 

Natasha comes in with their lunches and makes a proud face. “So, you finally made a decision.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky retorts. “Hey, you wanna drink some beer and watch something dumb at my place tonight?”

 

Natasha hums. “So much so.”

 

Natasha and Bucky end up leaving the shop a little earlier than usual, entrusting the shop to Wanda and the afternoon employees and plan to take a joint nap at Bucky’s place after picking up beer. They end up watching a couple of action movies and ordering pizza. Bucky is able to get Nat to talk about Sam for a whole 15 minutes before she shuts down. Nat goes home around 10pm and Bucky texts Steve for awhile before drifting to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this chapter as well which I know, I know. But I just wanna share these especially since I keep finishing later at night. Hope you enjoy, also hope to upload the next chapter soon! Thank you to every one of you taking the time to read this it really means a lot.


	7. Babydoll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky's first date...and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally smut! TW for a little body image issues talk

Thor is waiting outside the shop as Bucky walks up and he can’t help but be impressed. The last someone was at the shop before Bucky was...never. Thor greets him cheerfully and Bucky can’t help but feel his positive attitude break his own neutrality. As Thor makes small talk about a white pigeon he saw on his walk over Bucky is reminded of himself before the Army. 

Bucky shows the blonde, who has his long hair in a tight bun mimicking Bucky’s own, how and which machines to turn on and what to focus on first. He demonstrates how to fold and roll the croissants, then make the cinnamon roll dough, as they’re both chilling and rising he makes the muffins. Thor nods along and looks focused on each step, offering to try to replicate anything Bucky does. Thor’s a quick learner, but he uses a lot of force and gets cocky. Bucky comments this to Thor who makes a joke in Norwegian that doesn’t translate to English well.

Natasha comes into the shop when they’re taking the croissants out of the oven. She raises and eyebrow at Bucky, silently asking how it’s going. Bucky gives a half smile and a small nod. She nods back and works on the brioche. He tries to ask her about Sam while Thor watches the mixer but she just shrugs and gives him a non answer.

Bucky gets into a work zone as he prepares the morning’s offerings, letting Thor observe until work family breakfast. Nat had picked up some bagels on her way to the shop and they eat those and relax before they open. Peter is studying for something as they eat and Bucky watches the young adult’s tired and stressed face. 

As everyone goes out to open the shop, Bucky pulls Peter aside. “Hey, do you wanna be let off early today? I can cover you so you can study, I’ll clock you out when your shift’s supposed to end too, no worries.”

Peter looks up at him with relieved and thankful eyes. “Mr. Barnes, that would-that would save my life thank you.”

Bucky smiles. “You can just call me Bucky, kid. Will two hours early be enough?”

“That’d be amazing, Mr-Bucky.” Peter sighs and nods with a smile.

As the doors open, Bucky stays in the back and makes notes about their stock. He also decides to make the prosciutto earl grey cheesecake for tonight. As he gets everything ready his phone buzzes. He has a text from Steve, asking if it’s cheesey of him to come by the shop again this morning. Bucky send him a text back saying it is but he wouldn’t mind another regular at the shop. He even sends a winky face.

The cheesecake is in the fridge by the time 8 rolls around and Bucky makes his way to the counter. He hadn’t had time to do his usual longue sweep but he sees that Bruce and his partner are back. They seem more peaceful, both on their laptops with concentration on their screens, their feet are intertwined however. At almost exactly 8, Steve walks through the door and Bucky lights up. Everyone behind the counter says quiet ooos and aws which Bucky ignores but his blush still shows.

Steve comes up to the counter, Star dutifully by his side. He gives a charming smile which makes Bucky’s heart go a fraction faster. 

“Small coffee, with a little room?” Bucky asks, putting his arms on the display case and trying to act nonchalant. 

Steve smirks. “Yes, please. Any baked goods you recommend?”

“All of them.” Bucky jokes. “But especially the croissant.” Bucky turns to Peter. “Don’t ring him up.”

Steve rolls his eyes and puts a 5 dollar bill into the tip jar. Peter thanks him and asks Steve’s dog’s name as Bucky gets two coffees and a croissant. He meets Steve with his order on the other side of the counter.

“Can I steal a couple more minutes of your time?” Steve asks politely. 

Bucky nods and they head to their now usual table after Steve puts milk in his coffee. 

“So, I hired the other buff blonde as my apprentice.” Bucky informs Steve.

“The one that looks like a Norse god?” Steve asks.

“That very one. Y’know, he’s worked for us for over a year and I still don’t know how old he is. Nat does most of the paperwork.” Bucky reflects. “But it’s interesting having someone follow my directions and watch me work.”

“Do you like it?” Steve asks with a hint of flirtation.

“I prefer it over following orders.” Bucky bites then says seriously, “It’s an adjustment though, he needs work but he’s smart.”

“If you’re the one teaching him I’m sure he’ll get it soon.” Steve compliments. “By the way, I was thinking about dinner. Do you like Thai food?”

“I love it. It’s my go to take out food.” Bucky answers instantly.

“I was gonna look at Yelp for an hour to find a place unless you have a favorite.” Steve says.

“Oh, I have a few favorites but there’s one that’s really pretty inside.” Bucky recalls.

“We’ll go there then.” Steve decides. “I can come by your apartment at 7?” 

Bucky nods and almost whispers. “It’s a date.”

Steve realizes he has to go and gives Bucky a long kiss before walking down the block. Bucky’s lips are still tingling when he walks back in. It’s calmer inside, still busy, but not a rush. He goes back to prepare and bake for the rest of the day until it’s time to relieve Peter early who thanks him profusely as he leaves.

Bucky isn’t really used to being the cashier but he manages. Seeing Steve helps with his confidence and he pulls on a charm that he rarely uses anymore. It’s nice to act like old Bucky, someone who is friendly and self-assured and a little flirty. He gets a good amount of tips and makes one person blush while they fumble their change back in their wallet, while laughing at something Bucky said.

By noon, Bucky is a bit tired from socializing. He’s grateful for the afternoon employees so he can recharge in the bakery. 

Once Thor comes to the back to say goodbye Bucky asks him, “We have an order for a cake on Saturday, could you come in on Friday afternoon to help me with it?”

Thor looks deep in thought for a moment. “I will be free then, yes.”

Bucky nods his head and before he leaves asks, “This is a strange question, but how old are you? I’ve never asked.”

Thor laughs a hearty laugh. “I’m 24. I get that question a lot, it’s the beard that confuses people, I think.”

Bucky nods, his mouth downturned in consideration. Thor leaves and Bucky’s day at the shop is uneventful from there. Excitement bubbles in his stomach, and he’s eager to leave which isn’t like him. But he wants to nap and then get ready for his date with Steve. Already wondering what he should wear. 

He decides to ask Natasha and Wanda and Shuri what he should wear for his date. After a minute of teasing they tell him to not wear a flannel. 

“Wear your nice short sleeved button down with the leaves on it.” Natasha recommends or rather orders Bucky. 

“Oh, yeah! And some jeans that don’t have holes in them.” Shuri chimes in.

“Or dress pants.” Wanda adds.

“It’s a date, not a wedding.” Bucky retorts at Wanda.

Wanda just shrugs and continues to clean the espresso machine.

“So, is this your first date with the guy?” Shuri asks.

Bucky doesn’t answer for a second. “I guess, kinda. We never really went on an official date or anything when we knew each other. Huh.”

Bucky is still thinking about that when he leaves the shop, had Steve and him really not been on a date before? They’d hung out plenty and had been intimate but it was never something they could really be open about in public. 

Winter curls up next to him as he takes a nap. When he wakes up to his alarm, Winter is on his chest fast sleep. It’s 6 by the time he stops snoozing his alarm and gets into the shower. He stands in front of his closet for a while, almost reaching for a flannel. He decides to go with Nat’s suggestion instead and finds a clean pair of grey jeans. 

He makes some tea to have something to do while he waits for 7 to roll around. He puts on some music and sits on his fire escape with his tea, which he doesn’t often do anymore. It’s a nice day, the city feels calmer in the nice weather. A bird lands on the railing of his fire escape and they make eye contact for awhile before Winter notices and runs towards it, scaring the small bird off. Bucky laughs and pulls Winter into his lap before he can try to run after the bird.

At 6:55 he heads back in and gives Winter dinner. Bucky checks his hair once more and grabs his wallet and keys and phone before heading out just a little early. Steve is waiting outside already.

“Shoulda known you’d be early, Rogers.” Bucky comments.

Steve looks up at him and says almost shyly, “I didn’t mean to get here early, I swear.” He hands Bucky a small bundle of white carnations. “These are for you, thought you might like ‘em.”

“I love ‘em, punk. I should put them in water before we go.” Bucky says, blush forming as he can’t take his eyes off the flowers.

Once they’re inside the apartment, Steve puts his hand on Bucky’s waist and spins his around so they’re facing each other. He leans in, silently asking if he can kiss Bucky who grabs the back of Steve’s neck and kisses him deeply. Steve’s back falls back against the door and Bucky crowds him, feeling his passion take over, he gently throws the flowers on the kitchen table nearby and focuses on Steve. He feels Steve’s legs open slightly and he steps in closer making the taller man sigh. Bucky’s cock swells and he’s caught between asking Steve to his bedroom now and his stomach growling.

Steve obviously heard Bucky’s stomach and he laughs into their kiss. “We should go to the restaurant.”

Bucky groans but nods, pulling away while slyly rubbing his thigh on Steve’s bulge which makes the blonde gasp. Bucky is smirking to himself as he puts the flowers in a vase of water. He steals a glance at Steve’s crotch, while hoping his half hard cock isn’t noticeable. But Steve’s mutually hungry look says differently. 

Bucky holds Steve’s hand as they walk to the restaurant, both stealing sultry glances at one another. In the Thai restaurant they’re seated by the window and sip on Thai iced tea as they wait for their orders.

Bucky wonders aloud, “When was your last relationship?” 

Steve automatically tenses up and Bucky regrets asking but he’s curious. “Uh, it ended about two years ago, I guess. We were together for a year or so. It just didn’t work out.”

Bucky is even more curious but doesn’t ask further. He nods neutrally and tries not to think about what Steve didn’t say.

“What about you?” Steve asks.

Bucky laughs a little. “God, I don’t know if I can call anything in the past 10 years a relationship. I mean, I’ve dated a bit and I went out with one guy for a few months but we didn’t really click and I was always busy. But it’s hard when you’re in culinary school then restaurant jobs then building a business from scratch. I only just now have a bit more time on my hands.”

Steve smiles. “I guess this is good timing then.”

Bucky nods and says semi seriously, “Some would call it fate.” They intertwine their fingers on the table.

Steve talks about his job for a bit, how he’s really only friends with one person there named Sharon. He complains of bureaucracy and the changing structure. 

“Do you think you’ll leave?” Bucky questions.

Steve sighs disheartedly. “I want to. I’m just worried about getting hired anywhere else. I finished up college online and I might have a contact for the FBI. But, I don’t know. I’m wondering if I really want to go from one government job to another.”

“What about your graphic novel?” Bucky wonders. 

Steve shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if it’s any good.”

“Well, I’d love to take a look at it.” Bucky offers hopefully.

Steve bites his lip and nods. “That could be good. Maybe I could get a job at your shop if I end up quitting.”

“You joke, but we’re starting to hire more people.” Bucky says which makes Steve smile. Working with Steve again would be nice, but Bucky doesn’t let himself get lost in that thought.

They eat and chat lightly, mainly about customers Bucky encountered that day. Whenever Steve laughs it send a bolt of warmth throughout Bucky and he wants to record it and play it throughout his day. By the end of their meal they’re both full and in a even better mood.

“Would you want to go back to my place?” Steve asks once they leave the restaurant.

Bucky nods and they head toward Steve’s apartment.

Bucky is a little nervous and they ascend the steps. Star greets them happily but settles down on Steve’s command, going to lie in her bed.

Steve turns to Bucky, “Do you want anything to drink?”

Bucky’s nervousness turns to utter want and he confidently tells Steve, “I’d rather just go to your bedroom.” 

Steve bites his lip and leads him in, closing the door. As soon as it’s closed they resume their previous position from Bucky’s apartment. This time they’re more eager with each other and Bucky lets himself take the lead more. He turns them around and guides Steve to the bed, straddling him.

“Is this okay?” Bucky checks in.

“Yes, yes, please keep kissing me.” Steve answers breathlessly. 

Bucky can’t do anything but comply, letting himself rest lightly on Steve with using the new leverage to kiss with more fervor. Their tongues explore each other and Bucky nibbles at Steve’s lower lip which draws a whimper from him. Bucky slowly grinds his clothed cock against Steve’s which draws a gasp out of both of them. 

Steve pulls away and looks up at Bucky with wide pupils and a kiss red mouth. “I want you.” He says softly.

“Do you want my cock, baby?” Bucky asks in a gravelly voice and Steve’s hips hitch. “You like when I call you sweet names?”

Steve whines and nods. They’ve already slowly assumed the roles they used to have and Bucky is sure in this role, he knows it and he likes it. He asks in a voice slightly deeper than his normal tone, “Can I suck on you first, sweetheart?”

Steve outright groans and pronounces a flurry of confirmations. Bucky smirks and goes to undo Steve’s pants while Steve practically rips off his shirt. Bucky freezes as he looks at Steve’s torso, it’s even more toned than the last time he saw it and the blood goes straight to his cock. He puts his hand on Steve’s right pec and runs his thumb over the nipple making Steve’s breath hitch.

“Fuck, baby, look at you.” Bucky says under his breath. “You’re so beautiful, so fucking handsome.”

Steve squirms under the compliment and Bucky pushes him on his back, immediately going to lick and tease his already hard nipples. Steve continues to whine and squirm under him as Bucky takes his time with his nipples while running his hands over Steve’s strong body. He doesn’t ever want to stop admiring Steve’s body but Steve is thrashing and wanton below him.

He slides down so he’s on his knees in between Steve’s thighs and pulls off his briefs and pants in one go, taking a moment to look hungrily at his hard cock. It’s average length but thick and uncut, with a vein running on the right side. He licks the head lightly and Steve moans loudly.

“Please, Buck…” Steve begs and Bucky smiles wickedly.

“You want me to suck your cock, baby?” Bucky questions as he wraps a loose hand around the blonde’s dick.

Steve nods furiously, but Bucky wants to hear Steve. “What was that?” 

“Please! Please suck on my cock. Please.” Steve begs louder.

Bucky grins before he puts the cock in his mouth, taking as much as he can in one go just to hear Steve call out. He’s missed having Steve’s cock in his mouth, missed the sounds Steve makes when he teases the foreskin, missed the feeling of fullness in his mouth, missed Steve’s smell. Bucky is so focused on building a rhythm and feeling Steve, when he looks up at Steve his heart almost stops. Steve is pink all over, sinful mouth moaning softly, chest heaving and sweat on his brow. His blue eyes are almost fully lidded, but they’re open enough to watch Bucky through his eyelashes. Bucky pulls off slowly.

“Babydoll...God, you look so good. I want to fuck you until you scream my name.” Bucky announces to Steve.

The flushed man nods and pulls Bucky up from his knees and into a rough kiss. He wraps his legs around Bucky, to get his impossibly close, his wet cock rubbing against the brunette. 

“Lube and condom?” Bucky asks gently. Steve reaches for them in the night stand. 

“I want to see you, Buck.” Steve says.

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow. “Yeah, of course, I was gonna have you on your back anyway.”

“No, I want you to be naked, I want to see you and touch you.” Steve corrects himself.

“Oh, I, okay.” Bucky pauses, losing his confidence. “It’s just I told you I look different now and-”

Steve cuts him off, “James Buchanan Barnes, I want to see you. I want to see how beautiful and amazing you look I don’t care about anything but you.”

Bucky tries not to tear up as he gets up from the bed and slowly takes off his shirt and then his pants and underwear. He tries not to cross his arms over his body, standing in front of Steve. But Steve looks so lustful, or maybe it’s love, and he scans Bucky’s body with desire written over his face. 

Steve takes a hold of Bucky’s hand and pulls him close, though Bucky keeps his knees planted on the inside of Steve’s thighs. Steve runs his hands over Bucky and leaves gentle marks on his neck. He whispers in Bucky’s ear, “You’re so handsome, Bucky. Fuck, I’ve missed you.”

A shiver goes through Bucky. Steve kisses the scars on Bucky’s shoulder and glides his hand over Bucky’s soft, filled out stomach. Bucky lets himself feel and not think. As Steve leisurely touches Bucky, he puts lube on his fingers and reaches for Steve’s hole. Steve whines at the feeling and opens his legs wider, Bucky’s finger teases Steve’s hole and enters him easily. Steve bites down on his lip and pants, relaxing for Bucky’s finger while his face is twisted in pleasure.

“I wanna hear you, babydoll.” Bucky reminds Steve who looks straight into his eyes and melts, moaning for Bucky. Bucky smirks and licks up Steve’s neck as he gives Steve another finger, this one working to scissor him open. Steve doesn’t hold back, whimpering and moaning and panting as Bucky fucks his fingers into Steve’s pink hole. 

“Another, Buck, please.” Steve murmurs. Bucky slowly moves the three fingers in and out of Steve, who arches his back once he hits his prostate. 

“Are you ready to be fucked, sweetheart?” Bucky asks in his low voice, next to Steve’s ear.

“Please, Bucky, I need-I need your cock, fuck.” Steve lets the words roll out of him. 

Bucky finds the condom and slips it on, finally touching his hard neglected cock, he applies more lube to his cock and lets himself enjoy stroking to the sight of Steve spread out before him. Steve gives him a dirty smile and a ‘come here’ finger motion. Bucky lines himself up with Steve’s stretched hole and forgets the world as he enters Steve.

He wants to sob as he bottoms out, breathing in the crook of Steve’s neck who lets out a loud heated groan. Steve feels like Bucky remembers, but better because he’s actually here with him now. Bucky sets a slow rhythm, slowly drawing out of Steve and pushing back hard. Once Steve’s eyes start to roll back slightly he picks up the pace. Bucky angles up and knows he hits Steve’s prostate by the almost yell that Steve lets out.

“More, please more.” Steve whines, rolling his hips.

Bucky gives light bites to Steve’s jawline as he goes at a faster pace, making sure to angle upwards. Steve continues to get louder which seems impossible at first but soon he fills the entire room with his begs and moans and Bucky’s name. 

“I’m close, Buck-Fuck!” Steve cries out, and Bucky can feel his hole tightening. Bucky reaches for Steve’s leaking cock.

“I want you to come for me, babydoll.” Bucky commands Steve and within only a few strokes he comes onto their stomachs, screaming Bucky’s name.

Bucky watches, stunned, he almost stops in awe but Steve whines for him to keep fucking him. He speeds up slightly and plays with Steve’s nipple which makes the blonde man yelp and clench around Bucky’s dick which sends him to come inside Steve. His hips go on their own accord for a few strokes as the aftershocks hit, Steve looks up at him with those big blue eyes and a blissed out smile.

Bucky slowly takes his cock out of Steve and ties up the condom, throwing it in the trashcan nearby. Steve is catching his breath, like Bucky, but goes to kiss him anyway.

“Fuck, Stevie.” Bucky whispers as they touch foreheads.

“Yeah.” Steve agrees and they laugh for a minute.

“Will you stay the night?” Steve asks once he gets them a damp washcloth.

Bucky smiles. “Yeah, please. I have to wake up really early though.”

“That’s okay, I just want you for as long as possible.” Steve confesses.

As they settle into bed, Bucky curled up in Steve’s arms. He notes, “Your neighbors are gonna hate you.”

“I don’t care.” Steve says yawning. “God, I missed you Bucky.”

Bucky blushes in the moonlight from the window. “I missed you too, Stevie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written smut in awhile and I didn't edit this because I keep wanting to write and post these right before bed!! I gotta stop doing that to myself. Anyway, hope y'all enjoy.
> 
> Also I can't believe I'm on chapter 7 plus this is my longest one yet. I'm really excited to keep writing and posting this story!


	8. Knowing Me, Knowing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve's quiet week is interrupted by a ghost from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: For talk about a toxic relationship

Bucky hasn’t felt like this in a long time, although he’s been saying that a lot lately. He smiles a lot, something everyone at work is appreciative of but tease him about anyway to see him smile more. Steve and him have seen each other every day that week and slept in the same bed every night. Steve is still in his bed while he gets up for work, he leaves a kiss and a note. Winter meows at him while Bucky gets him his breakfast and immediately goes back to curl next to the warm lump in Bucky’s bed after eating. 

Bucky listens to music in the kitchen while he’s preparing for the day, Natasha even catches him softly singing along but she doesn’t mention it besides a eyebrow raise. She pauses in the doorway right before going into the shop to let in the opening shift employees, and turns to Bucky.

“We decided to just be friends, or, I decided and he agreed.” Natasha informs Bucky, then disappears before he can say anything. 

Their day starts off slow, not as many people come in on Friday mornings, usually because of pay cycles or saving up for the weekend. They get the usual people, Bruce sans Stephen at his table. Bucky almost asks him about their relationship but Bruce has eye bags the size of dumbells and he’s typing faster than Bucky thought was humanly possible. Bucky peers over at his computer screen when he’s cleaning a table nearby and despite Bucky always being one of those annoying gifted kids in school he can’t understand a single thing on Bruce’s laptop. 

Steve comes by at his usual time, Bucky and him sit outside and Steve eats a piece of freshly made coffee cake while Bucky sips on espresso. Star noisily munches on the dog treats that Bucky decided to buy from a start up company and have for sale on their counter. 

“Oh,” Steve starts, dragging his attention away from the coffee cake which is almost gone in a couple minutes. “So, when I went back to my place this morning to get ready Sam was sitting on the kitchen counter eating ice cream and staring off into space. When I asked if he was alright he just grunted.”

Bucky thinks about what Nat said to him just a couple hours before. He repeats what he heard, “Nat said she decided they should just be friends.”

Steve frowns. “I guess he’s not too happy with that. I think he has the day off today, I’ll try and have some Bro time with him.”

“Bro time.” Bucky repeats, mockingly. 

“Isn’t that what you have with Nat?” Steve counters.

Bucky chuckles. “Yeah, yeah I guess.” He pauses. “Is that what we are? Bros?”

Steve narrowed his eyes and gave a small smile. “I don’t usually let my bros call me babydoll while they fuck me.”

“Usually?” Bucky emphasizes and raises an eyebrow.

“I think it’s safe to say we’re more than bros.” Steve says seriously and Bucky beams, letting out a breath of content.

“So, Bro night with Sam tonight but could I steal you back Saturday?” Bucky asks, “Maybe dinner at my place? And then going to the night event.”

“Sounds great. I gotta go and try to get to work a little early. We have a end of the week meeting.” Steve gets up and gives Bucky a sweet kiss goodbye. Bucky wonders what Steve’s like a work, if he’s flirty or shows his disdain or just quiet. 

Thor comes by a little after noon, he’s wearing workout clothes and explains this to Bucky, “I just came from a training session. I thought I had time to change but we went over time with stretches.”

“Oh, are you a personal trainer?” Bucky asks.

“Yes! I was an athlete of relative fame and now I train mothers who would like to get fit.” Thor informs brightly, as if it is obvious. Bucky just nods, dumbfounded.

Bucky talks through the process of how he makes a cake, this one a cardamom cake with rosewater buttercream frosting. Thor chats about the popularity of cardamom in Norway as he watches and measures ingredients for Bucky. 

“My ma loved this cake. I would make it for her birthday every year.” Bucky confides.

“Do you still make it for her?” Thor asks.

“Nah, she passed away. I only make it when we have an order.” Bucky says, ignoring an expected pity look from Thor.

“Then we must put the memory of her love into this cake as well.” Thor says instead. Bucky nods, feeling like he understands what Thor’s weird sayings mean for the first time in awhile. 

As the cake bakes and chills in between stages, Thor talks about his life and how he came to New York. He originally came to America to be on an American rugby team after being scouted during a European tournament. He did well on the team but at just 20 years old he tore his ACL, the amount of recovery time would mean being off the team and having to go back home. But he had a girlfriend in America and decided to enroll in a two year vocational school so he could stay and be with her. They moved to New York together when she got a job at a research facility. He started working at the shop around then and as a personal trainer, which he went to school for. 

His girlfriend, who (Thor added) was a genius who graduated college at 17. They apparently met after she hit him with her car, not badly just a bump. They hit it off unexpectedly and fell in love. A few months ago she was offered an independent research project opportunity in New Mexico. He decided to stay. He isn’t sad when he tells this, he talks about how smart she is and how she’s going to change the world one day and he was lucky to have her for those years. Bucky decides Thor is wiser than he ever expected.

The cake turns out well. They try the two cupcakes they made as a test and Thor eats it in one go, smiling wide and give two thumbs up. Bucky laughs and agrees throwing up two thumbs as well. They put the cake in the fridge and Thor gives Bucky a celebratory hug before leaving. 

Bucky is alone that night for the first time in a week. He jerks off, makes dinner, reads a book he borrowed from Steve. He misses Steve and he’s unsure how to process that after not having anyone for so long. He notes that it’s odd falling asleep alone now.

Saturday goes by in a blur of the client picking up the cake, hungover people needing coffee and something light, and preparing desserts for their first extended hours and singer songwriter performance that Wanda set up. Steve and him are attending after they eat dinner, which is nice and casual catching up on how Sam is doing and Steve going into a long story of the funny thing Star does after sneezing. 

As Bucky brings two hot chocolates to their table in view of the singer, he notices Steve’s face and posture changes as he looks at his phone. Steve sets his phone face down with more force than needed and gives Bucky a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Bucky doesn’t say anything, wanting to wait for Steve to say something or things to turn back to normal.

The blonde man’s phone buzzes on the table and Steve looks at it quickly before scoffing under his breath and putting the phone in his pocket. Bucky puts his hand lightly on Steve’s shoulder as a way of checking in but Steve looks blankly at the wall behind the singer. The singer has a beautiful voice and she croons on the stage with her guitar. Bucky wants to let go and enjoy it but Steve’s so tense that it transfers to Bucky.

Steve’s phone buzzes again, this time longer, and he apologizes to Bucky as he ducks out to take the phone call. Bucky looks out the window wall of the shop to see him with a scowl, talking heatedly with someone on the phone. The singer ends her song with a powerful belt of notes and as everyone is cheering Steve walks back in.

“Let’s take a walk.” Bucky suggests to Steve seeing his sad eyes and hunched shoulders. Steve nods slowly and they slip out, giving Wanda an apologetic look. Wanda mouths, ‘ _ it’s okay _ ’. Once they’re outside they walk in a random direction, letting the silence exist for as long as Steve needs.

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky sees Steve open and close his mouth a few times and his own heart pangs in both understanding and confusion. They end up in a park and sit at a bench under a willow tree. Steve runs a hand over his face and sighs a heavy sigh. 

“It’s my ex.” Steve starts, slowly. “He started texting me last night when I was with Sam. I ignored him, of course, but it just made him more persistent. He gets like that, just unrelenting and hyper fixated.”

“Is this the guy you mentioned the other day?” Bucky inquires, his voice soft trying not to ask the wrong thing.

“Yeah.” Steve sighs again, a little shaky this time. “We actually ended things about a year ago and the relationship lasted two and a half years. I don’t know why I lied to you, I just get nervous talkin’ about him.” Steve looks over to Bucky to see his reaction. Bucky isn’t hurt that Steve lied, it wasn’t a big lie or something to cause Bucky pain. He’s worried about Steve more than anything, hopes his face portrays that.

“It’s okay, Stevie.” Bucky tells Steve, taking his hand.

Steve nods slightly and starts again, “It wasn’t a good relationship. He was possessive, and that made me feel wanted at first but then it just made me feel trapped. And I know he cheated, he’ll never admit to it but I saw messages people sent him and he went on so many business trips. And he’s a big deal, so I was either not talked about at all or paraded around depending on the climate of his company and their clients. I felt like a monkey on a pedestal, either caged up and humiliated or on display and uncomfortable.”

Steve takes some breathes and Bucky wants to ask why he stayed but he thinks he knows why. With toxic relationships, it’s even harder to leave.

Steve continues, “At first it wasn’t bad. He gave me a lot of gifts and made me feel special and I understood he had to work. And then it got to the point where if I spoke up or questioned his fidelity he said I was just paranoid and then would send me gifts or take me on trips to shut me up about it.” Steve pauses, seems hesitant but persists, “He works with the government a lot, and he would tell me he could get me fired in a minute. He said it like a joke but we both know it was true and at that point I still liked my job, I didn’t wanna lose it. Didn’t know where I could go if I did.”

Bucky tries not to be angry, this wasn’t the time to make it about him. But his skin was on fire knowing someone would hurt Steve in any way. He dug his own nails into his hand and stayed calm.

“One day, it got too much. He took me to this charity event and my anxiety flared up and I had to calm down in the bathroom for awhile. When we got home he yelled at me for an hour. You ask me why I still fight bullies, I think part of it is I never felt like I could fight back against the biggest bully in my life.” Steve gives a wincing smile of realization and continues, “He always talked about how bad his father was to him, angry and mean and always drunk. That night I told him he was becoming his father. He got so,” Steve chokes up for a second, staring so intently on the grass under his feet. “He got so mad, I’ve never seen that type of anger before just blind and dark. Even when we were in the army that kind of anger wasn’t there. He screamed at me and threw his glass of whiskey at me. It barely missed my head but a shard of glass hit right behind my ear. Then, I realized he would only get worse.”

Steve shakes his head and involuntarily touches the scar behind his ear that Bucky hadn’t noticed before as he finishes, “So, I left that night. Blood was running down from the cut and he was crying and telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I told him to never contact me again. I asked to be transfered the next day. Part of me thinks it took so long because he was messing with the process, trying to get me to stay.”

“Steve, that’s awful.” Bucky responds gravelly. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Steve nods. “I know, most days I know.” Steve wipes at his eyes. “Last night, he said he was moving his company to New York. They just finished building a building in Manhattan or something. Said he wants to meet up to talk. Has been bugging me about it since last night. I don’t wanna see him, at least not in person, it’s hard to avoid when he’s on the news all the time.” Steve chuckles flatly. :I guess that’s what happens when your ex is Tony Stark.”

Bucky furrows his brow, knowing that name from something. It hits him. “The guy that builds the weapons for the U.S Army?”

Steve scoffs and rolls his eyes. “The very same. I met him at an event he was hosting for the VA, which felt ironic. But he’s nothing if not charming. I shrugged him off but like I said he’s persistent. He would send me gift baskets and flowers and ask me on a date every day for a week. I caved because at the time I thought it was romantic. And I let him woo me and convinced myself underneath his whole persona he was a good man. I’m not sure if that’s true anymore.”

“And now he’s trying to do it again.” Bucky supplies. Steve nods slowly. 

“I will never forgive him or go back to him or anything Bucky I swear.” Steve says, finally turning to look Bucky in the eyes. He admits quietly, “I love you.”

Bucky pulls him into a hug, holding on securly and letting Steve release his tears. He smooths his hand over Steve’s hair. He responds, “I love you too.”

They go back to Bucky’s and Bucky suggests a bath. Steve just nods in agreement, quieter after talking about Tony. Once the water is drawn Bucky helps Steve remove his clothes and get in. He joins him, sitting behind Steve and letting his back rest against Bucky’s front. Bucky draws slow, light patterns on Steve’s skin, a lot of it uncovered by the water in the small bath. He stares at the scar behind his old friend’s ear and hate for a man he doesn’t know boils Bucky’s skin. But Steve’s soft sighs and the small crying from the tears he doesn’t let Bucky see transforms Bucky’s hate for Tony into pure love for Steve. He silently vows to protect Steve, putting one hand over Steve’s heart and kissing the top of his blonde head. 

Once they’re both pruned and sleepy they get out of the bath. Bucky dries Steve, who weakly protests at first but his energy is depleted and he looks lovingly at Bucky for doing so. After Bucky is dry as well they get into bed, naked except for the sheets around them. They face each other and Bucky runs his thumb along Steve’s jaw. 

“You’re safe.” Bucky whispers.

Steve nods and he gives a small smile. They fall asleep with Steve’s head on Bucky’s chest, with Bucky’s arm wrapped tightly around Steve. Steve’s phone continues to occasionally light up throughout the night, Bucky sleeplessly watching the screen glow across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna say that the Tony Stark I'm writing is the version of Tony Stark before the Iron Man movies where he was a known grade A asshole. I'm all for Tony Stark's growth but I feel like a lot of fanfiction forgets to remember his past. He wasn't a good man until like Iron Man 3, fight me if you want.


	9. The Harrowed and the Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's POV.
> 
> The ghost continues to haunt, Steve must face him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for a toxic relationship

Steve wakes up when Bucky wakes up, he usually does, but keeps his eyes closed so Bucky doesn’t worry about Steve losing sleep. He sometimes falls back asleep until his own alarm but most days he wakes up for a run with Star before getting ready for work. His body is accustomed to less sleep since his Army days anyway, he doesn’t need 8 hours, and getting out of bed before the sunrise feels nice. He likes to watch it, as much of a grandpa statement that is, but watching the colors change and the world breathe new air as he runs makes him feel elated.

He wouldn’t be going for a run today. He checks his phone as soon as Bucky closes the door and his stomach tightens sharply. He has about 30 messages from Tony, all saying more or less the same. He vaguely remembers a time when he thought the excessive texting was sweet, but in those days it was just Tony detailing his day when Steve couldn’t afford to text back. Steve also remembers the slew of pissed off texts from Tony when he decided to go out drinking with friends. Now it’s just pleas to see Steve then something mean then apologies for that mean text. Repeated again and again. 

He sits up and pulls his legs to his chest, curling his arms around them, tries the breathing exercises he was taught in therapy. After his stomach doesn’t feel so tight, he decides to get some water and ignore his phone for now. There’s a note again today, it makes Steve smile and his stomach ease a little more. It says to call Bucky if Steve needs him, no matter what. Bucky added a love you at the end and Steve forgets everything for just a few seconds. The water helps, looking out the window at the quiet city and trying his hardest to not think. 

It crosses his mind that Tony shouldn’t even know his new cell number after he changed it two months after they broke up, and then again once he got to New York just to be safe. It causes a shiver down Steve’s spine knowing how powerful Tony is. 

He needs to go home, needs to walk Star and get ready for work. His feet drag as he prepares himself to leave the safety of Bucky’s apartment. He considers just staying here but he doesn’t want Tony to interfere with his life any more than he already has.

Steve checks his surroundings on his walk home as if Tony will be walking on the opposite side. By the time he gets through his front door his head is rushing and he has to spend 20 minutes sitting on the floor with Star to calm down. He lets himself cry briefly before going through his morning routine. He runs into Sam in the hallway as he’s leaving his room, sleep pulled over his face and headed to the bathroom. 

“Hey Sam,” Steve starts, feeling silly. “If Tony Stark comes by tell him I don’t live here.”

“Huh?” Sam asks like his mind is working through a haze before coming to life. “That billionaire asshole? Did you get into a twitter fight or something?”

Steve shook his head. “No, he’s an ex. A bad one.”

Sam makes an ‘O’ shape with his mouth and nods silently with a grim, understanding face. “Of course, man.”

 

Steve heads to Bucky’s shop with Star, still paranoid that Tony will be right behind him. Peter, he thinks his name is, is at the counter looking like an exhausted college student but brightens up seeing Steve and waves.

“Hey, Mr. Rogers!” Peter welcomes, with more energy than his face portrays. “Coffee and latest baked good?”

“I’ll actually take a ginger tea today.” Steve responds. Bucky comes out, looking a little troubled but more relieved at the sight of Steve. 

He has something in his hands and strides towards Steve putting his hand on the side of his face lovingly. Steve gets his tea and puts cash in the tip jar.

“Can we sit inside today?” He asks, quietly almost ashamed. Bucky just nods knowingly.

They sit towards the back, near the makeshift stage. Bucky pushes a napkin covered item towards Steve that he had in his hands. Steve opens it gingerly and finds a blueberry scone. He gives Bucky an appreciative look, remembering the blueberry scones they would get together as a rare treat before school when they had a little extra pocket change.

“I tried texting, was worried when you didn’t answer.” Bucky says, but his tone is sweet rather than scolding.

“Yeah, I turned my phone off. Didn’t want to see what Tony tried texting me.” Steve admits, trying not to think about the messages. 

Bucky nods, he looks unsure of what to say and Steve wants to tell him what to say but he doesn’t even know himself. They sit quietly for a while as Steve nibbles on the scone and Bucky holds Steve’s hand tightly.

“Are you still going to work?” Bucky finally speaks up, noting Steve’s work suit. 

Steve nods and shrugs. “I don’t want to hole up in my apartment waiting for somethin’ to happen. I’m not gonna let him do that to me.”

Bucky looks like he wants to argue with Steve but holds his tongue. Instead he reminds, “If you need anything, please, please call me. I can leave at a moment’s notice, okay?”

Steve nods with a sad smile, looks at his watch and breathes out fast. He tucks the rest of the scone into his pocket and gets up to stand, Star following suit. Bucky gives him a bear hug.

“It’s not like I’m going off to war, Buck.” Steve says, trying to be light hearted.

Bucky pulls back and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, not this time.” He looks Steve deep in his eyes, in a way only Bucky can do. “I’m with you, pal. Til the end of the line. You need me, I’m there.”

Steve’s stomach curls. If he was meaner he would bring up those years when Bucky wasn’t, but he knows Bucky was doing what was best for him. And he knows that he can’t bring that up, not today. Bucky is here now, and that’s what matters. 

Steve leans down slightly to kiss his best friend before walking out.

 

By the time he gets to his work’s building he’s wrought with anxiety. He wants to throw up or punch through a wall or fall asleep in Bucky’s arms but he’s at work and he has to make it through the day. He gets through security okay, in and out of the elevator, and a few steps closer to his office before he notices. 

He’d recognize the smell anywhere. It’s Tony’s signature cologne, shipped from Italy and costs more than Steve’s rent. Before Steve can turn back or duck into the bathroom, Tony walks down the cubicles meeting him in the weird space in between office and elevator lobby. He stands before him with his arms crossed in a domineeringly casual stance. He’s wearing a nice suit, as he always does. He’s also wearing sunglasses which infuriates Steve, wishing Tony would for once let the cool guy persona fade. There’s acid in Steve’s throat but he tries his hardest to keep a straight face.

“Mr. Stark.” Steve spits out, trying to zero in on his usual path to his desk.

“Oh, is that the greeting I get?” Tony asks with a wicked smile. He opens his arms and continues, “I don’t see you in over a year and all I get is a ‘Mr. Stark’?”

Steve looks straight forward, avoiding direct eye contact and keeping his chin raised.

Tony diverts his attention for a moment, glancing down at Star. “Aw, hey girl, how I’ve missed you.” Tony greets and reaches his hand to her head but Star whines and Steve guides her behind him.

“She doesn’t like to be touched by people she doesn’t trust.” Steve reminds Tony in a cold voice. Tony pulls a hurt face but it leaves in a second. “I have to get to work, Tony.”

“Of course, I was just hoping we could chat a little.” Tony tries with a fake smile.

“I already told you I didn’t want to talk to you.” Steve states and wonders if he could try to move past Tony but he’s blocking his way and he isn’t about to shove Stark to get to his desk.

Tony puts a hand on Steve’s shoulder and says, “I know, but I just want five minutes of your valuable time.”

Steve’s skin prickles and he quickly pushes the older man’s hand from his shoulder. “Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Just let me work, Tony.”

Tony looks agitated now. He shakes his head and says in a stiff, bordering on angry tone, “Listen, Steve. I still care about you and I deserve some of your precious fucking time after you just left.”

“You don’t deserve anything.” Steve says, calmer than he feels. “You’re a privileged asshole who thinks he can do anything to anyone and have no consequences.”

Tony is fuming as he tightly speaks, “You’re an idiot, Rogers. I made a mistake and you left me to rot because you think you’re so much better than me. You think you’re such a god’s gift to this earth but you’re like me. You have as much evil in you as I do in me. Stop pretending I’m the fucking villain.”

Steve shakes his head. “I’ve hurt people for my country and I feel guilt over it. You do it for money. You do it because you  _ like  _ to hurt people. You deserve to rot.”

“I could have you fired for saying that.” Tony counters with false strength, tucking and then raising his chin higher.

Steve shrugs. He turns on his heel, deciding to leave before Tony starts to scream, or starts to realize he’s leaving. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears, washing out any other sound. Steve can see that Tony’s face is in shock behind him as the elevator doors close. Tony has done many things but Steve doesn’t expect him to literally chase him through the building.

Steve is completely numb as he leads Star and himself out of the building and to the closest subway station. He’s in a train for a few minutes by the time he comes back to himself and realizes he doesn’t know where he’s headed. Star is looking at him questionably and he closes his eyes, letting his head fall back onto the wall.

It’s another 20 minutes before he remembers he doesn’t know where he’s going and switches train cars to get on the right route. He pulls the rest of the scone out of his pocket and eats it, eyes not focusing on anything. 

Out of second nature and curiosity, he decides to check his phone, turning it on and ignoring Tony’s previous messages (he’s stopped for now, thankfully) and seeing an email from his boss asking where he is. Steve swears to himself, realizing their quarterly assessment meeting was this morning. 

Pepper Potts also emails him, apologizing for Tony and telling him she’s doing whatever she can to stop him. Acid returns to Steve’s throat, Tony is actually trying to get him fired then. He would reply and tell her not to bother but he’s drained. He remembers how Tony looked at her, how he flirted with her and she was one of the only people to not give in. He craves her strength.

He starts writing a text message to Bucky as the train pulls closer to Brooklyn. 

 

Steve and Star are sitting at the bench, Steve is breathing deeply and focusing on the smell of the air and the distant sound of kids and parents playing. He spots Bucky in the distance, who seems to be walking as fast as one can without running. It looks like Bucky is about to kneel before him before he realizes himself and sits besides Steve.

“Stevie, how are you feeling?” Bucky kindly asks, discreetly catching his breath. 

Steve shrugs, realizing just how tired he feels, the numbness he felt on the train is starting to slip away. He didn’t say much to Bucky in text, just that he had to leave work and to meet him at the park. He decides to fill him in with spare details, “He was already at my work, he said mean things-we both said mean things. Then he said he’d get me fired.” Steve sighs.

Bucky looks horrified. “He can’t do that.”

Steve laughs emotionless. “Yes, he can. I left work even though I had an important meeting, that’s not gonna help.” Steve looks away for a minute, considering. “Maybe, maybe it’s not such a bad thing if I got fired. Wouldn’t help my FBI application but I don’t know if that’s what I want to do either. I’m tired of Tony having power over me through his connections.”

Bucky looks like he’s still absorbing everything, quiet and thoughtful.

Steve continues speaking honestly, “The U.S. government doesn’t like Tony but they need Stark Industries. They don’t need me though.”

“You’re important, Steve.” Bucky says firmly, enough to make Steve believe it for a second. “Maybe not to people who don’t deserve you. But you’re important to the people who do.”

Steve looks up from his hunched position and sees how nervous Bucky is. Steve knows that Bucky wants to tell him that he’s important to Bucky but Bucky is unsure of his worth to Steve. It makes Steve feel better, in a way, knowing Bucky doesn’t feel entitled to him. He knows Bucky is earning Steve back and how different that is from Tony, who assumed Steve would know he was entitled to his time and energy.

“You’re important to me too, Bucky.” Steve relays without Bucky needed to say it first.

He lets himself rest against Bucky, lets Bucky wrap his arms around him and kiss the top of his head. He lets himself feel safe. They stay like that for a while, breathing as one and molten against each other. Then Steve hears the voice.

“So, this is who you’ve chosen.” Tony says. Steve resists the urge to roll his eyes at the formality of Tony’s tone.

They both look up, Steve pulls away and feels Bucky go stiff with recognition.

“Did you follow me?” Steve asks incredulously.

“You have find my iphone on, I wanted to make sure you were okay..” Tony explains flatly.

“Bullshit.” Steve calls out, “You don’t care if I’m okay. You just don’t know how to let me go.”

Tony scoffs before scanning Bucky intensely, he sneers and snaps his look back to Steve. “I’ve let you go, alright? And look who you’ve gone to, a moody lumberjack with a bad haircut.”

Bucky stands up, about to shout something but Steve pulls him back down. He throws a glance to Bucky and turns back to Tony, more calm than ever.

“If you’ve let me go, why are you here?” Steve asks levely.

Tony is at a loss for a moment, strange not to hear a witty remark immediately, before finally showing himself to be human by saying, “I don’t know.”

Steve closes his eyes, breathes and opens them. He feels two pairs of eyes intently on him as he speaks, “Tony, I did love you. I really did. But your pain took over you and you became someone I couldn’t love. You haven’t changed. Not yet. Even if you do, I will not let you back into my life. I might forgive you, but you no longer have a place in my life.” He feels tears come to his eyes but he soldiers on. “Tony, go home. Don’t talk to me again. If I want to reach out, I will. But we will never have what we once had. Getting me fired won’t bring me back to you. Following me around won’t bring me back to you. Nothing will bring me back to you. Stop trying. Leave me alone. Find peace somewhere else.”

Tony’s mouth is open in disbelief and something else that Steve can’t name. Once he realizes, it snaps closed. It almost looks like he’s about to apologize but all Steve gets is tight lips and a nod before Tony walks away. He mutters something under his breath as he walks. Stops a few times, they both watch him almost turn back but he keeps on walking each time. Steve lets himself collapse and again Bucky holds him on the park bench.

“Let’s go home.” Bucky suggests quietly, after an unknown amount of time that feels like a minute and an hour.

Steve nods and they silently walk back to Steve’s brownstone. Sam and Bucky exchange knowing looks and Bucky guides Steve to his bedroom. Star jumps on on the bed immediately as Steve slips under the covers. 

“What time is it?” Steve asks, not actually caring.

“About 12:30pm.” Bucky answers looking at his phone.

“Oh, do you have to go back to work?” Steve asks again, more care in his voice.

“No, I can afford to take one day off. Thor is working today anyway.” Bucky answers, he’s standing next to the bed looking unsure of himself.

“Will you lay with me?” Steve asks, finally letting himself show how tired he is.

“Of course.” Bucky crawls into bed, pulls Steve close. Steve’s eyes close before he notices and he’s asleep before he can decide to stay awake.

 

By the time he wakes up it’s almost dark out and Bucky isn’t in the bed. Steve lets the feeling of disappointment wash over him before he hears the door open. Bucky is carrying two plates and looks happily surprised to see Steve awake.

“Hey, baby.” Bucky greets tenderly. He puts the plates on the nightstand and sits next to Steve. “I made some sandwiches, thought you might be hungry when you woke up.”

Steve just nods, his stomach growls at the smell of food. Bucky hands him a plate and they eat in silence. Steve is still trying to wrap his head around everything that’s occurred in the day as he mindlessly feeds Star his bread crust. He looks up at Bucky with wide eyes before clenching his face and breathing out, letting himself relax.

“I’m gonna get fired.” Steve says peacefully. “Even if Pepper stopped him, even if Tony decided to change his mind or wasn’t gonna in the first place. If they don’t fire me, I’m going to quit. I can’t work for them anymore.”

“Are you sure?” Bucky asks, but there’s brightness in his tone.

Steve nods slowly. “God knows what I’m gonna do, but...it’s time for me to leave.” 

“You’re going to be okay.” Bucky tells him honestly. Steve nuzzles up to Bucky, breathing in his scent and trusting the man he’s loved since he was a kid.

“Thank you.” Steve expresses simply.

Bucky blurts out with sudden tears. “I can’t believe I ever left you. I’m so sorry, Steve. I’m so sorry.”

Steve pulls away and instinctively wipes Bucky’s tears away. “Bucky...it’s okay. I was hurt for awhile, I’ll be honest. Sometimes I’m still a little mad but I understand. I understand what it’s like to have to leave something behind. And I stayed in that something.”

Bucky is holding back more tears. “We can talk about this later, I shouldn’t have-I don’t want to have to talk about it now unless you want to.”

Steve thinks for a moment. “I just want to rest, I want to be here with you, the person I love so dearly, and I don’t want to think for awhile.”

Bucky hugs Steve tightly and breathes, “I love you.”

They watch tv for a while, holding each other as if it’s their last day on the earth together. Bucky takes Star for a walk and goes to feed Winter. It’s Sam’s night off again and they all share a couple cocktails and talk about easy things. Bucky falls asleep before Steve, alarm set for an early morning. Steve sits on the chair in his room and sketches Bucky sleeping for some time before looking through his folder containing his graphic novel. He works on inking a few pages before sleepiness takes over. He doesn’t want to face the next day, but he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if anyone has noticed my fuck up with days of the weeks in this fanfiction but I have and I wanna apologize. Time is fake, y'know? But honestly I do care a lot about this story and spend a lot of time with it but I make mistakes with those kinda details. So, pretend it makes sense just this one thing because I do try my hardest to make everything realistic (which honestly the number of employees and when Bucky goes in is half realistic and half making me wake up in the middle of the night rethinking everything)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is reading these, I really really appreciate it and has made my summer feel like it's not a waste. I don't know how many more chapters I'll do (I can't believe I made it to 9!) but I started writing the epilogue so no matter what you'll get that.
> 
> Also title is from the Decemberists Florasongs album


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